 |
|
Home
Wrestling
WWE
TNA
Tape Reviews
Other
Sports
Basketball
Football
Baseball
Hockey
International
Entertainment
Movies / TV
Music
Gaming
Technology
Books / Comics
" The Gravel Pit "
|
|
|
|
Wrestling
>
TNA
The Royal Treatment: Smackdown (5.20.04)
Posted by Peter Kostka on May 20, 2004, 23:25
|
|
It�s the end of the TV season, and this year has been especially depressing: Angel is cancelled, Jerry Orbach leaves Law & Order (it is going to be VERY hard to replace him), and American Idol is absolutely horrible this year (I wouldn�t even download songs from either of the finalists).
But Smackdown NEVER has a season finale! It also is never entertaining for 2 straight hours, but that�s beside the point.
One plug to get out of the way: Nik Johnson is TSM�s new PPV guy, and he was �lucky� enough to draw Judgement Day as his first article. He does a good job ripping the show to bits though, so check it out.
Previously recorded in Vegas, Baby. Vegas. Tazz and Cole call the action.
Coming up tonight: A rematch of the US title match at Judgement Day as John Cena defends against Rene Dupree.
Eddie Guerrero�s music hits and he rolls down to the ring in a hydraulics equipped Mini Cooper. Ok, that is pretty cool. He is also sporting a REALLY bad looking cut on his forehead, but Eddie is feeling good. John Bradshaw Layfield may have beaten the hell out of him, but he didn�t take the WWE title. Eddie wanted a souvenir to remember the night, so he pulls out JBL�s blood covered hat and wipes his ass with it (�I got an itch.�) Eddie suggests JBL invests in bandages and hospital gowns because he wants to beat him in the ring 1-2-3 tonight! The limo rolls out and JBL pops up through the sunroof. He doesn�t want any part of Eddie tonight, satisfied that he won by DQ on Sunday. He knows that if Eddie gets the chance, he will use a rematch as an excuse to pound on Bradshaw some more and get himself DQed again. �You are a gamble, and I don�t gamble. Gambling is for people who want an easy payoff.� Since he won, JBL simply wants Eddie to give him the title belt (um, someone didn�t read his WWE rulebook), but Eddie just wants to give him another ass kicking. Mr. Angle rises up from Rey Mysterio�s entrance position. He agrees with JBL, and denies Eddie�s challenge, miffed that he thinks he can make any matches on Smackdown. He can�t force Eddie to give up the title either, since the Board of Directors wouldn�t like it, so he makes a 6 man tag: JBL and the Dudleys vs. Eddie Guerrero, Rob Van Dam, and Rey Mysterio.
Thoughts: Whee, they�re going to drag this feud for ANOTHER month or more. Lucky us. And what the hell is with totally forgetting the simple little rule that titles can�t change hands on a disqualification? �The Board of Directors wouldn�t like it�? Are we just making this stuff up as we go along here? At least we have a main event announced right off the bat, even though it�s just slamming two angles together.
- Commercials �
Rico and Charlie Hass (w/Miss Jackie) vs. the FBI (non-title match)
Charlie almost makes the walk down the runway, but he changes his mind. Maybe next week. Rico goes right into the �flamboyant offense� by slapping Stamboli in the ass and Hass rolls him up for 2. Stamboli takes control on Hass and goes for a press slam, but Hass counters it for another 2. Hass works the arm and tags in Rico, who rolls the Bull into a very suggestive armbar, sitting on Bull�s shoulder and letting the arm flop like a penis. Nunzio tags in and Rico spanks him, blowing a kiss to Bull afterwards. Nunzio pounces on him, but Rico avoids a dropkick and rides him around the ring. Nunzio reverses a whip and Bull pulls down the rope, sending Rico to the outside. Back in, Nunzio gets 2. Bull comes in and we hit the chinlock. Rico fights out, but gets spinebustered and Nunzio comes in, but Rico makes the hot tag and Charlie is a Hass afire until Bull trips him up and Nunzio dropkicks him for 2. Jackie grabs onto Nunzio�s leg and he goes to kiss her, but Rico leaps on the apron and gives a smooch instead and Hass hits a German on Nunzio for the pin at 4:29.
Rating: 3/10
Thoughts: Ok, so we see the continuance of two things here: Rico�s gaiety and the FBI being made into total jokes. The match was essentially the same one we�ve seen the last few weeks; Hass is the straight man (in more ways than one) while Rico goofs around. We get it. Now let�s make something out of it. Either have a heel completely obliterate Rico after he embarrasses the heel, or have Hass get so frustrated with Rico that HE does it. MUCHO heel heat would come from that (and we might actually get some good matches out of a Hass-Rico feud).
- Commercials �
Still to come: Chavo vs. Chavo Classic vs. Spike Dudley in a triple threat match for the Cruiser title (huh?).
Stills of Chavo�s win at Judgement Day. Chavo and Chavo Classic bask in the victory, but Chavo Classic takes exception to Chavo saying that he is past his prime.
- Commercials �
Billy Kidman vs. Akio
Holy shit, a CRIUSER MATCH?! Ah, but someone must have pointed out that it isn�t Saturday night, so Mordecai strolls out and pounds the hell out of both guys, finishing with a crucifix powerbomb on Kidman.
Rating: Are you high?
Thoughts: Ok then. Mordecai will be gone once the inevitable feud with Undertaker is over (by the Great American Bash, probably) and he is made to be a total worthless toad, so I really don�t see the need to bury two semi-capable cruisers, but I don�t have giant breasts and the reigns of a major wrestling program, so what do I know?
- JBL gets his blood pressure checked in the back.
- Commercials �
- Back at the exam room, and JBL tells the doc to ignore anything Eddie says when he complains about his injuries, since he�s a liar.
John Cena � vs. Rene Dupree (w/Fifi) (United States title match
They fight over a lockup to start and Cena armdrags Dupree down. Rene grabs a wristlock, but Cena rolls him up for 2. Dupree grabs a headlock and shoulders Cena down, but Cena gets a slam for 2. Cena grabs a headlock this time, but Dupree breaks it and they bodypress into each other as we go to a break.
When we come back, Dupree is working on the shoulder after Cena rammed it into the post. Cena tries to fight back with his good arm, but Dupree hits an armbreaker for 2. Cena tries to fight out again, but Dupree locks in a Fujiwara armbar. Cena reaches the ropes, but Dupree just drags him to the center and puts it back on. Both guys are yelling like women�s tennis players here. Dupree drives his shoulder into it twice, but on a third try, Cena counters with a few back body drops. He works over Dupree with the good arm, but makes a mistake and delivers a shoulderblock with the bad one. Rene bails, and Cena retrieves him, only to have Rene bail again. Dupree tries a powerbomb through the announce table, but Cena backdrops him on the floor and sends him into the steps. Dupree rolls back in, but rolls out AGAIN when Cena comes back. Alright already. Dupree grabs the flag, but Cena breaks it. As the ref disposes of the flag, Dupree low blows Cena and rolls back in, getting the countout win at 14:06 (about 4 minutes that were meaningful). After the match Rene hits a Michinoku Driver on Cena in the ring and does the Arrogant Anti-American French two step over him.
Rating: 2/10
Thoughts: You�d think the arm stuff in the middle would have LED SOMWHERE, since Cena seemed to be selling it like he was dying, but instead we get a HORRIBLE finish with Dupree constantly running away (since he�s French, hyuk hyuk). I didn�t see the JD match, but I would HOPE it was better than this drek. Also, Tazz thought it was impressive that Dupree got a countout win over the US champ. Hey Tazz, you know what I would find impressive? WINNING THE DAMN TITLE!!!!!!
- I swear, if Torrie Wilson walks out for a match, I�m stopping the recap RIGHT NOW.
- Commercials �
- Cole intros some �graphic footage� from the WWE title match, but all we see is JBL�s chairshot that led to Eddie�s blading. No blood is seen whatsoever. The shot is replayed numerous times, with a slow motion effect as Eddie falls.
Chavo Guerrero � vs. Chavo Classic vs. Spike Dudley (Triple threat match for the Cruiserweight title)
All you need to know is that the Guerreros take turns pounding the hell out of Spike while he bumps around like a pinball before making a comeback and countering the Gory Special for 2. He gets the Dudley Dog, but Chavo Classic dumps him, falling on top of Chavo and winning the title at 4:21.
Rating: 1/10 (all for Spike�s bumping, by the way)
Thoughts: Just dissolve the fucking title if you have no other ideas for it already. Naturally, the SD crew takes the best heel combo on the whole fucking show and flushes it down the toilet with this crap. I�m assuming a Chavo Classic face turn or something, but it won�t help anything since the guy is in his 50s and can�t possibly put on good matches with the likes of Kidman and company.
- RAW Rebound. Two more weeks, just TWO MORE DAMN WEEKS!!!!
- Hey, it�s Smackdown�s #1 Announcer Funaki, and he has Booker T. Booker thought that Paul Bearer switched his bag of voodoo powder with Folgers crystals, so he wanted to face Undertaker tonight. Naturally, no Taker (I guess Vegas isn�t privileged enough), but Mr. Angle let Booker have a match with anyone he wants, so he picks Funaki and promptly gets punked out (haw haw).
Funaki vs. Booker T
Funaki gets some token offense, but Booker goes to town on him (bloodying his nose in the process) and gets the scissors kick for the pin at 4:38.
Rating: None
Thoughts: Did you figure out that I�m rapidly getting very tired of this show? Horrible squash and Booker might as well just retire, since he�s not sniffing any gold anytime soon.
- Replay of the US title match finish. We�re getting ANOTHER rematch next week, but this time it�s a lumberjack match. Building towards next week�s show, WHATTA CONCEPT!! But wouldn't this work better if DUPREE was the champ? Aren't lumberjack matches usually used to keep the heel from running away and keeping his title? If anything, Cena was stupid for going after him all those times. Dupree wants to run off? Fine, you win the match and keep the title. Of course, this IS WWE we're talking about here. Logic is a foreign word to them.
- In the back, JBL (steel chair in hand), stands over an unconscious Eddie Guerrero
-Commercials �
- Yet another Kenzo Suzuki promo, as he yells something in Japanese. Guess he�s coming to SD now.
John Bradshaw Layfield and the Dudley Boys vs. Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam
Cole and Tazz have the feeling that JBL might have had a hand in what happened to Eddie, since he had a steel chair, but they aren�t sure. No, I�m not being sarcastic, they REALLY said that. Mr. Angle rises up to the 3rd floor again and says that the match will go on, whether Eddie wants to come out or not, so we�ll start 3 on 2. The heels take turns pounding on Rey to start, but he takes D�Von down with a bulldog and tags RVD, who comes in with a crossbody for 2. Buh Buh yanks him down by the hair and RVD goes after him, but JBL clobbers him and D�Von hits a suplex for 2. Buh Buh in now, and he hits a neckbreaker, but Rey breaks the pin. JBL comes in and hits a neckbreaker of his own and the heels go to town on RVD. He comes back with a flying kick on JBL and tags Rey. JBL reverses a whip, but Rey nails a headscissors and Drops the Dime for 2. The Dudleys come in, but RVD dumps them and follows out with a hilo while JBL goes for a powerbomb on Rey, but Rey counters and hits the 619 while RVD gets a Five-Star, but Buh Buh yanks Rey out of the ring at 2 and we go to commercial.
Coming back, D�Von has the chinlock on Rey and RVD is out on the floor (and the match) after getting 3Ded by the Dudleys. Rey fights out of it with a springboard into an inverted DDT. Buh Buh hops into the face corner and taunts. D�Von hits a delayed vertical suplex and tags JBL, which kicks off the �Eddie� chants. JBL hits a spinebuster and locks in an abdominal stretch, and HEEEEEEEERES Eddie, as the fans go nuts. Rey fights out but JBL clotheslines him in the corner and goes for the Clothesline from H&R Block, but Rey dropkicks him and goes for the tag. Buh Buh cuts him off, however and taunts, but runs into a boot from Rey, who hops onto the second rope, bulldogs Buh Buh and makes the tag. Eddie Latino Heats up, cleaning house on the heels. He gets a backdrop on D�Von and hits the Three Amigos, but he gets up wobbly and collapses. Ah, the Shawn Michaels Post Concussion Syndrome Special. Of course everyone stops and looks concerned, even JBL. He�s not one to pass up an opportunity however and tags in and gets the pin at 18:04. EMTs come out and tend to Eddie as we fade to black.
Rating: 6/10
Thoughts: Good fast paced tag match. The three on two part started off fine with the heels using their strength in numbers to beat down the opponents, building up heat for Eddie�s eventual entrance. Of course, they do the collapse angle, which of course is really moronic, but Eddie sold it REALLY well, I think. Eddie must be getting some good pay to go along with this crap.
Final Thoughts: And the crap just keeps on coming. The main was the only decent thing this week, with the rest just not capturing anyone�s imagination. Who the hell knows how they will actually IMPROVE this show. The SD bookers have just fucked this show up so much, that it�s going to take a lot to fix it.
11 more days to go.
Any comments or criticism can go right here
| |
|
|
|
|
|
