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TNA
The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA Week 23
Posted by The Dames on Dec 5, 2002, 02:33
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The Dames� Diatribe on NWA:TNA Week 23
Before I do or say anything in respect to tonight�s broadcast, there�s a few things I want to get off my chest.
1. I�m REALLY cold right now. My landlord�s must be living in a sauna if they don�t realize that we need heat in our apartments right now.
2. Cablevision, my FAVORITE cable company, has decided to do us a big �favor� once again. They changed around the channel line up to make room for new channels (none of which are worth anything), removed a few PPV channels leaving us with only ONE left....and taking away our porn! Dammit, I hate Cablevision.
3. I bought two DVD�s this week: Austin Powers in Goldmember and The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring 4 Disc set. AP3 was great and a better sequel than AP2, despite Beyonce Knowles of Destiny�s Child being more wooden than a elementary school production of Pinocchio. It�s one of those movies where you leave your brain at the door and just have fun because if you think too much, you�ll wanna cry. For example, Austin Powers was born sometime in the 40�s if he was at the very least in his twenties when frozen in the 60�s in the first film. His father should have been AT LEAST in his 80�s....but I guess he was cryogenically frozen too....
Anyway, I had never seen LOTR before or read the books or ANYTHING, but purchased the set solely based on the high recommendation of one of my closest friends. After watching it yesterday, it was probably one of the best movies I�ve ever seen and I can�t WAIT for Two Towers. I wish I had seen the original theatrical version as I had no clue what was new in this 4-discer. Oh well.
That�s pretty much it...oh and Jerry Jarrett e-mailed me last week too to compliment my work. *Thumbs up *
Let�s hit the recap!
Last week, Vince Russo cut a promo promising to stir things up in TNA to dismay of smart marks and marks everywhere.
We immediately start with the footage of last week, where Russo asked Jarrett what his answer would be before TNA left the air. After TNA went off the air, Killings, who was down after his match with Jarrett, got up and attacked Russo before Jarrett could say anything. Jarrett just stood there and watched as the Harris Brothers acted as security and removed Russo from the building as he dropped some F-bombs to Killings.
We hit the usual intro....but bagpipes begins to play over the loudspeaker. It�s pretty funny to see the dancing girls try to dance to it. The music just plays and plays...so they finally cut back to Don West and Mike Tenay and Don�s tie-less this week.
RODDY PIPER~! finally makes his way down to the ring in his usual garb, along with some guy with him, dressed in the same Hot Rod type shirt, leather jacket and jeans, to a nice pop. After plugging his website in the first sentence, he wants to address the Russo situation. He talks about how Russo was born as a �hump of thing�, which then grew to a 300 pound �hump of thing�, tried to make it as a wrestler but failed, so he became a writer. Although I doubt he was ever close to 300 pounds, I�ve heard of Russo trying to make it as a wrestler before...but don�t know much about it. Drop me a line if you do. Roddy claims that Russo has no talent, unlike the guys in the back and he�s here to answer his challenge from last week where Vince asked for someone to stop him. He shows us a page of his book from when Piper was a young child (plugging his book in the process, of course) and talks about how his dream to make it as a wrestler came true. Piper goes all controversial by saying that Russo is NOT the Anti-Christ of pro wrestling, as he claimed last week, but the Bin Laden of it. He then crosses the line, in my opinion, by bringing up Owen Hart�s death and insinuating that Russo was responsible. He calls Owen his cousin (probably confusing half of the audience that didn�t know Piper is Canadian and not Scottish) and the crowd is just SILENT. After he finishes his point about Owen, there�s a �Piper� chant. Piper then takes his jacket off to reveal a black armband and a shirt containing the names of 10 men that died in professional wrestling. With the help of my VCR (seeing as how it�s VERY hard to read the names), the names are: Art Barr, Rick Rude, Brian Pillman, Rick McGraw, Adrian Adonis, Andre (The Giant), Owen (Hart), Kerry Von Erich, Bruiser Brody, Junk Yard Dog. The only person I�m not familiar with is Rick McGraw, so if someone out there could enlighten me, I�d appreciate it. He claims that Russo will kill pro wrestling for everyone unless �your idea of a good time is having a 325lb Samoan in a thong sitting on your face�. Ouch. �NOT FOR ME! You don�t have that kind of money! You little puke...�
He calls Russo out....and he sneaks in behind Piper in the ring. Piper turns around and Russo backs himself into one of the corners. �Russo sucks� chant by the crowd as Piper looks at him and says �You�re not a pimple on my ass�. He gets right in Russo�s FACE, holding the microphone...looks at him dead in the eyes and says �Did you kill Owen Hart?�. See....that is so uncalled for. He talks about how he killed WCW and asks Russo to answer it...but he won�t give Russo the mic. The Rowdy One smacks Russo upside the head as he�s all up in his FACE as he says he�ll hold the mic and try and be a gentleman, but Vince wants the mic or he�s not talkin�. Piper walks away, saying that Russo used to call himself, Flair and Hogan dinosaurs. �You�re not a pimple on Hogan�s ass man�. THAT gets a pop. Piper claims that instead of making an entertaining wrestling program with wrestlers, he took �entertainers� and made soft pornography. �I agree with you on ONE THING....My time is over. But you�re the dinosaur now�. The Harris Brothers come into the ring to remove Russo from the building again, as Piper taunts Russo while he tries to snatch the mic from him. He plugs a Shoot Interview that he�s doing Friday night on PPV (?) before he leaves the ring and Russo is removed. I haven�t heard anything about it...however, if you�re a fan of shoot interviews, on TSM, Brandon Truitt conducts some of the best Shoot Interview Reviews anywhere on the �net. He raises the arm of the kid he�s with (who I suspect may be his son) and heads to the back.
Piper has always been an interesting, charismatic promo man but bringing up the name of Owen to sell an angle was just wrong, in my opinion. Aside from that, it would be nice to see him more often in TNA as he�s one of those few guys who can still perform the �Ticket Selling� promo that�s become a lost art in wrestling.
We go to Tenay and West who discuss the angle that just occurred as well as bring up the fact that Jarrett never officially answered Russo�s offer. By destroying the guitar Russo gave him last week, West feels that Jarrett gave him a clear cut �No�, but Tenay won�t believe it until Jarrett says so. It�s about time that the announcers don�t fall for a possible swerve and see both sides of the story. We run down the card with full GRAPHICS~! as Don West has Heart Attack #1 for the evening! Tenay then confirms that the Lynn/Siaki X Division title match will be postponed til week as Jerry Lynn suffered a partially torn pectoral muscle.
The SAT vs. Divine Storm w/Trinity
Match Background: These men trained together (along with Amazing Red) under Mikey Whipwreck of ECW fame. They�ve met BILLIONS of times in regional indy promotions in the Northeast, notably against in each other in 6-man tags in CZW�s Cage of Death 3 and in the first two shows of the Ring of Honor promotion. Trinity was just added to Divine Storm and I�ve yet to see a match between these two teams where she was a factor.
The Match: Quiet Storm and Jose Maximo start the match up with a Greco Roman knucklelock and Jose gets the advantage. QS uses his legs to push Jose off of him (botched) and then gets an armdrag which Jose botches pretty badly. When Jose goes to armdrag Storm, QS bounces off the ropes and armdrags HIM, in a cool spot. They exchange another quick series of armdrags and flippity floppity counters which look REALLY choreographed and hit the Indy Applause Stance. Chris Devine and Joel come in and do more quick exchanges...including an UGLY head scissors by Joel Maximo. Joel sends Devine over the top, which sends in Quiet Storm, only to get dropkicked by Jose. Jose uses Joel�s legs to push him over the top as he hits a somersault tope onto Devine and almost landed on his head. �TNA� chant by the crowd. Joel heads to the outside as well and Quiet Storm does a somersault tope as well onto the SAT. Trinity gets on the top rope and hits the best looking high flying maneuver of the match so far with a moonsault to Joel! Good thing she chose the brother with the most padding, so to speak. Someone in the production truck made a boo boo as we go to a camera angle from behind the crowd....revealing maybe two or three rows of seats and THAT�S IT. The SAT take over in the ring with avalanches in the corner onto Devine (one of which Joel ended up caught in the ropes for a moment) and then hit him with big boots in the corner as well. Joel goes for a surfboard on Devine, but Storm runs after hit and gets a drop toe hold by Jose, landing on his partner. Joel grabs HIM, putting him in a Liontamer, while Jose hits a rear chin lock on Devine for a weird looking double submission on both men! The crowd pops for that as Jose gets off and hits a dropkick to Devine�s face. Quiet Storm and Jose head back to their respective corners as Joel puts Devine in an inverted Pendulum (picture a boston crab...while holding your opponent�s arms behind him and swining him like a pendulum between your legs). Jose jumps over the top rope to legdrop Devine in that position and Devine kicks out at two. Devine and Jose then go at it in the ring, with Jose countering Devine�s full nelson into a DDT maneuver, but not escaping his fisherman�s neckbreaker...which Devine botched as well. That gets a two count as the crowd is just dead. Storm tags in and ends up in a irish whip sequence which ends with both men attempting dropkicks at the same time...and nailing the other man in the balls instead. Joel tags in and hits a missile dropkick on Devine and hits an ugly ass powerslam for two. Quiet Storm then comes in and they counter a few moves before Joel hits the Maximo OverDrive (Mikey Whipwreck�s old backbreaker into a sit out Pedigree) for two. Devine takes the opportunity to get a Death Valley Driver in on Joel for two. Jose then hits a SNAP belly to back for two as well. He heads up to the top, but gets caught by Quiet Storm in an Electric Chair Drop position...and turns it into a modified STORM CRADLE DRIVER~! for a broken two count. Storm heads up top....where the SAT catch him and go for SPANISH FLY~!! but Trinity gets on the apron and gives Jose a low blow, allowing Devine to pin him for the win.
My Opinion: �* REALLY sloppy, their worst match together yet that I�ve seen. A lot of the moves were very contrived and seemed almost choreographed....
We go to the dancing TNA girls....with an extra focus on the ASS this week.
We go to the back for a pre-taped Truth promo on the silent auction to manage the Truth. These auctions are for breast cancer awareness and to help kids with autism...or as The Truth said, artism.
Chris Harris heads over to the ring for his scheduled match with Brian Lee but before Brian Lee can be announced, Russo gets into the ring and grabs the mic. He looks at Harris and tells him that he�s only there to help him...so let him say his peace.
He�s not going to trash talk Piper for fear of being sued for defamation of character....(I don�t get it...shouldn�t he able to sue Piper for HIS comments?) He then tells Piper that if he�s going to use Owen�s name to sell his book, he�s going to go STRAIGHT TO HELL. I agree with that one...but he didn�t use it in respect to the book. Note: In the process of reviewing this event, I read a press release stating that Piper�s comments were a shoot, so Russo�s response towards him about suing for defamation of character made some sense. �The NWA does not give a SHIT about you people�. He talks about how the NWA are old men who don�t know what the people want. �Russo sucks� chant by the people. Vince then looks at ring announcer Jeremy Borash and threatens him for trying to the get the people riled up. Borash usually helps incites chants to get some crowd heat, btw. Borash flips Russo off, which is funny considering the former on-air relationship they had in WCW.
He says he knows what the people want. According to Russo they want violence, blood, vulgar language, smut, nudity, sex! Sounds like XPW to me. He says that today is the birth of Sports Entertaining Extreme...or S-E-X for those slow people out there. Every week, he comes and sees signs that read �Athena�, �Hire Athena�, etc. For those of you unaware of who Athena is, she�s a ring valet who sits at ringside to take things to the back, like wrestlers apparel, yet is NEVER shown on TV. Fans try to get her attention every week with these signs. �I am going to give you people Athena!� She comes into the ring as the crowd chants �Athena�. Now that the camera is actually focused on her...she�s kinda cute and has got a great body. Russo asks her how it must feel to see all of these people asking for her...yet she never gets any TV time. She turns to look at the crowd...revealing an ass even BETTER than Belladonna! She goes to speak...but Russo cuts her off. �Show your tits� chant by the crowd. Russo tells her than TNA means �tits and ass� and demands that she show em! Athena refuses....and Russo says that it�s because she�s got none (BULLSHIT, the girl�s almost a C cup from my view). �Is it because I�ve seen bigger tits on Dusty Rhodes?� That gets a pop! He calls her an �ugly wench bitch� and gets slapped for it to a pop. He grabs her and yells at her, calling her a whore while backing her into the corner. �Kick his ass� chant by the crowd as Athena yells at Russo, but does nothing. The Harris Brothers come in and Athena takes Russo down! They�re separated by the Harris...and it looks like Don is coppin� a feel. LOUD �Let her go� chant by the crowd. Russo: �Are you kidding me or what? I will stick this broads foot so far up her ass, she�ll sneeze her shoe out�. He then turns his attention to the Harris Brothers, claiming that they�ve become nothing more than office help. Russo tells Ron to speak his mind on what he�s been telling him over the past few weeks over the phone.
Ron gets the mic and complains about the treatment he and his brother have received. Pretty bad mic work but he does say one thing...�You can�t fire me while Russo is here�. Why not? He doesn�t own the company...that needs to be explained. He tells the Harris� to take out Athena and they H-Bomb her twice. NWA security come to the ring as Russo and the Harris� leave.
Well, Russo�s always had a soft spot in his heart for the Harris Brothers, so it should have been no surprise that they joined up with him. His treatment of Athena got him over as a heel if he wasn�t over as one already.
In the back, Bullet Bob Armstrong yells at the Harris Brothers for joining up with Russo and tries to talk them out of it. They tell him to shove their contracts up his ass, but Bob Armstrong comes back by saying that they�re under contract, so they�ll be up against TNA�s finest tonight. He gets in a DAMN good shot too by saying �Then we�ll see if you�re half as good, of maybe I shouldn�t I say �good� when talking about your wrestling ability!� That was pretty good!
Chris Harris, now joined by James Storm, start complaining to Tenay and they want him to do something about it! He tells them that the man allowing all this to happen has been winning wrestling battles for 30 years...and he believes in him and Russo won�t win. He�s obviously talking about Jerry Jarrett, but what I don�t get is this....why would Jerry allow Russo to even come in and start this? We finally go to the ring for:
Chris Harris vs. Brian Lee w/Father James Mitchell, Belladonna & Slash
Match Background: Americas Most Wanted have been feuding with the Disciples of the New Church ever since Week 18 when they attacked AMW after a title defense. Since then, they�ve had numerous battles, with the Disciples winning the tag titles from them in Week 20. They�ve been trying to get to Father James Mitchell, the leader of the Disciples, since then to extract their revenge. This match is to see who advances to the 3-way bullrope match with Father James Mitchell later on tonight.
The Match: The match starts immediately as they begin brawling at ringside, throwing each other into the guardrails. Lee suplexes Harris over the rail onto the floor before brawling around the announce table. Harris gets some chops on the outside before they finally make their way into the ring. Lee kneedrops Harris in the crotch to take over after a suplex. Lee distracts the ref, allowing his three stablemates to triple team Harris. Two elbowdrops....and a double bird for James Storm gets Lee a two count. Lee goes to the top rope...and comes off with a knee drop, but Harris moves out of the way! Lou Thesz press by Harris and a flurry of LEFT hands follow along with a jumping left arm clothesline. Bulldog (taken horribly by Lee) before Belladonna gets on the apron to distract the ref. Harris throws her into the ring and goes for the Catatonic (grabbing a HANDFUL of THAT ASS) but Lee saves her with a big boot to Chris Harris. The ref is distracted again by Mitchell as Lee gets handed the spike....but as he turns around, Harris spears him for the win!
My Opinion: �* For some reason, these guys work better when brawling. When they got into the ring, the match just slowed down too much.
In the back, Goldylocks is with The Truth and Bullet Bob Armstrong as Truth DEMANDS Russo on a silver platter, the man who cost him his NWA Title. Bullet Bob tells him that the way to Russo is through the Harris Bros., if he�s willing to team with someone tonight.
Slash vs. James Storm
Match Background: Same as the last match.
The Match: It starts out with Slash attacking Storm from behind. Storm gets an enziguiri and a HARD powerslam for two! Slash goes for the Slash and Burn but Harris wriggles free and charges him....eating a Slash boot in the process. Slash gets some headbutts and stomps in the corner, following it up with a vertical suplex for two. Storm is tossed to the outside, where Brian Lee whips him into the guardrail and sends him back in for a Slash two count. Storm goes for his hangmans neckbreaker, but Storm gets away and hits a Superkick! Slugfest in the middle of the ring ends with Slash tossing Storm over the top...but he skins the cat and comes back with a head scissors! Short arm Russian leg sweep by Storm gets a two count! He goes for the Swinging Noose (Reverse Tornado DDT) but Belladonna holds onto Storm, allowing Slash to get free. While Storm is pre-occupied with her (and THAT ASS), Slash throws powder in his eyes and hits his hangmans neckbreaker for a CLOSE two count! Storm gets a cross body off the 2nd rope, but Slash rolls through and holds the tights for ONE....TWO....NO! Belladonna throws a chair into the ring and Slash positions Storm for a running powerslam....but Storm maneuvers himself into the turnbuckles and hits the Swinging Noose onto the chair for ONE...TWO....NO! I could have SWORN that was the finish! Lee tries to come in and nail Storm with a title belt, but Harris spears him down! Slash with a belt shot on Storm with the ref distracted for ANOTHER two count! Slash and Storm go through an irish whip sequence...but Storm positions him for the Death Sentence and Harris helps him complete the move with the ref distracted by Mitchell and Belladonna! ONE...TWO..THREE! Father James Mitchell will be in the 3 way match with both Storm & Harris later on tonight.
My Opinion: *3/4 Slash is the better worker of the two Disciples and it shows. Lots of false finishes in this one, had a lot of crowd heat and sets up a match for later on tonight, which won�t be pretty.
We go to a pre-taped Auction promo by Jerry Lynn. You can win a dinner date with him if you win....and the cause means a lot to him as he lost his first wife to breast cancer. Damn, I�m surprised he can say that with a straight face.
In the back, Bullet Bob Armstrong tries to convince The Truth and Jeff Jarrett to team up tonight to battle the Harris Brothers. Bullet Bob asks Jeff if he�s with them....but before he can, Truth gets up in his face and says �You BETTER not screw up tonight or it�ll be your ass in the same as Russo�. Jarrett: �Ron, you just better be ready for the fight of your life�.
4-Way Double Elimination Match for the X Division Title shot:
EZ Money vs. Kid Kash vs. Amazing Red vs. AJ Styles(w/ Mortimer Plumtree)
Match Background: This type of match was the kind of match that decided the first NWA:TNA X Division champion all the way back in Week 2. The rules are simple. A match between two men occur in the ring. Once a decision is rendered, another man enters and they have a match. In order to be eliminated, you must lose by pinfall or submission TWICE. AJ Styles is the man with the most experience and is the only man in this match who is a former X Division champion. He took on Kid Kash in a 3 way with Jerry Lynn in Week 21 and defeated Red in a ***3/4 title defense back in Week 18. Red defeated Kid Kash in a 5-way elimination match in Week 17 to receive that shot. EZ Money just arrived in TNA in Week 20 and has gotten over pretty quick. He feuded with Kid Kash back in the ECW days but hasn�t faced him or any of the other competitors in this match since he joined TNA.
The Match: During the intro�s, West and Tenay discuss with JJ just said...meaning that he might not be with Truth, but against him...at least that�s how Tenay see�s it. During Red�s introduction, AJ Styles attacks him from behind and gives him the Styles Clash on the top of the ramp! Red is DEAD. Styles mugs for the camera as he walks down the ramp. Joel Maximo runs into the ring as Borash states that he will be substituting for his cousin, Red, in this match. Dammit....not only does the caliber of the match decrease with this substitution, but they screwed up my Match Background dammit! Make him PAY, AJ.
Joel and Kid Kash start off with both men getting quick pinfall attempts on each other. Joel comes back with quite possibly the ugliest �rana of all time before Kash snap mares him and dropkicks him out of the ring. Kash jumps over the top onto Joel with a �rana, getting ooohs and ahhhs from the crowd, but Styles NAILS Kash in the face with a good right hand, throwing him back into the ring for a Joel two count. Kash gets back up and hits a pumphandle gutbuster on Joel which looked like it REALLY hurt. Oh, GREAT....NOW they turn the heat up in my apartment. He tries to hook a bow and arrow variation on Joel, but can�t hook it properly. Kash scores with a double jump crossbody for two. He tries to follow it up with a DDT, but Joel blocks it, gets a go behind....hits a German suplex for a three count! Kid Kash has one defeat.
AJ Styles comes right in and nails Joel from behind. He goes for a waist lock as well, but Joel reverses it. AJ elbows out and channels Kawada by hitting an enziguiri from out of nowhere! He goes for the Styles Clash, but Joel holds onto the ropes and uses it to fall onto Styles for a two count. Joel whips him into the corner but eats elbow...and Styles moonsaults off the 2nd rope and reverse DDT�s him! Joel lands almost at a 90 degree angle and it looked like a SURE pin, but he kicked out at two. Damn! Joel gets tossed over the top but lands on the apron and hits a shoulder block. Sunset flip attempt is countered by Styles into the Kryptonite Krunch for 3! Joel Maximo has one loss.
EZ Money comes in and goes for the Cha-Ching immediately, but Styles flips out of it. He goes for a superkick, but its caught by the former Jason Jett. He grabs a second attempt at a kick by Styles and uses it to powerbomb him for two! He whips AJ in the corner with Styles trying to jump over him....but EZ doesn�t run past him, catching him by the waist instead and hoisting him over with a German suplex. Styles retreats to the corner, sitting down in a Bronco Buster position as EZ gets ready to run at him. He goes for his dropkick, but Styles moves and Money ends up crotching himself in the turnbuckles. EZ tries to come back in with the Money Clip but Styles dropkicks him first. AJ goes for the Styles Clash, but EZ wriggles free and stands up, holding Styles....MONEY IN THE BANK~! He hasn�t used that move in TNA yet! Picture someone going for a sunset flip, but with their legs still around their opponents shoulders...then EZ kneels down, landing them on their head/neck. This only gets a TWO count! He gets the Cha-Ching for the pin and AJ has one defeat!
Kid Kash comes in and armdrags EZ a few times. EZ tries a monkey flip, but Kid Kash lands on his feet, so EZ lands a few WEAK looking kicks to drop him for two. Kid Kash gets up...runs up the turnbuckles and jumps onto EZ for a rana, but they blow that spot BIG TIME and go crashing down to the mat. No �YFU� chants...i�m surprised. Kash comes back with a DDT for two. The BANK ROLL~!! by Kid Kash for two! DAMMIT, I hate that a move so vicious never pins anyone. Kid Kash tries an Ocean Cyclone Bulldog, but EZ grabs him in a full nelson and drops him down in a sloppy Bubba Bomb for two. EZ heads to the top, but gets crotched by Kash. EZ gets a low blow in and goes for a SUPERBOMB~! but Kash reverses it in mid air into a hurancanrana, redoing the infamous ECW spot! This only gets two! Kash comes off the ropes, but Styles nails him in the back with a kick allowing EZ to roll him up for the pin and Kid Kash is eliminated!
Styles comes in immediately and hits the Styles Clash on EZ for the quick win! EZ now has one loss as well as we�re all tied.
Joel Maximo does battle with AJ Styles again as he stomps the proverbial mudhole in him. Irish whip sequence leads to a GORGEOUS flipping dropkick by Styles for two. �Lets go AJ� chant so you know who the crowd likes... AJ gets a BRAINBUSTER on Joel for TWO. MUTA LOCK~! by Styles on Joel but he won�t tap out. The crowd with a �nerd� chant directed towards Mortimer Plumtree as Styles works over on Joel in the corner. He whips him across the ring and goes for a splash but Joel moves and Styles sells the hell out of it! Joel goes for the pin, but Styles has a foot on the rope. Belly to back suplex by Joel gets another two count. Styles sends him to the outside where Plumtree nails him with a few cheapshots with the ref distracted by AJ. AJ comes to the outside and whips him into the guardrail before throwing him back in. Slingshot senton (called a slingshot diving headbutt) by Styles is done BEAUTIFULLY, with more style (no pun intended) and grace than Eddie Guerrero. Chopfest in the ring by both men, but Styles stops that dead with an enziguiri. Styles tries a rana, but Joel gets a sit out powerbomb for two. West makes a great point as EZ Money is getting a lot of time to recoup, especially since his last exchange was very short. The match has slowed down a bit...until AJ hits his swinging facebuster for two. Joel goes for a flying headscissors....turned into a roll up by Joel for THREE! AJ STYLES IS GONE...and he�s PISSED!
EZ Money and Joel go at it immediately with a series of near falls as Styles and Plumtree plot on the outside. EZ hits the Money Clip and then channels RVD as he jumps to the top rope and hits a frogsplash for two! EZ places Joel on the top turnbuckle, but gets tossed down. Joel with a nice moonsault on EZ, but the ref is distracted by Plumtree! Styles throws a chair which nails Joel in the back, allowing EZ Money to get the pin with the EZ Driver (backbreaker into piledriver)! Money looks at Styles complaining at the top of the ramp and mouths out �You�re not in my league!�. Hey buddy...he pinned you in seconds. How many X titles have YOU won?
My Opinion: ***1/2. I�m not sure why Red was taken out of the match, but I�m sure the match would have been better with him in it. I was very surprised that AJ wasn�t in the final match, considering that the rub of pinning Styles in the match was wasted on a tag team wrestler, when EZ could have really used it to gather momentum for his X shot. I�m sure everyone called EZ Money winning as soon as it was he vs. Joel as the Maximo�s aren�t seen as legitimate singles competitors. The match had some sloppiness although they all worked hard and it really showed.
In the back, another pre-taped Auction promo to help produce the TNA show. Looks pretty interesting, but if I were to do anything, it would be announcing with West and Tenay. I�d do it for free!
West and Tenay tell us that Jarrett has accepted the challenge for tonight.
Goldylocks is in the back with Sonny Siaki. Wow, not much Goldylocks this week. He talks about how he�s waited for this shot for a while...but when it happens, it will be his. He talks about the hardships he suffered in WCW (????), it will be worth it when he wins the X title. I don�t remember him in WCW AT ALL. Do you? If you do, please email me.
West: �We�re going to have to wait next week...because of the Jerry Lynn�s injury�. The Jerry Lynn....I like it!
Tenay is at the top of the ramp to interview THE JERRY LYNN~! The Jerry says that he was hurt last week, but he�ll be...OK. The Jerry Lynn gets his OWN history all wrong as he says that Siaki needed to cheat to beat him in their first match (Lynn won the first match, he�s talking about their second match in the NWA title tourney). Meanwhile, The Harris Brothers are beating up NWA Official Bill Behrens and dragging him and a table to the ring while the interview is taking place. Tenay and Lynn realize what�s going on and pretty much stop talking. Tenay pretty much gives away the fact that Lynn is going to help by saying �but you�re injured, you have a title match next week� before he even moves. He runs in before they can powerbomb Behrens through the table but gets dominated by both men. They place Behrens on the table instead and H-bomb the champ through him and the table. At least Lynn was protected on the bump with all the padding. Yes, I just called another human being padding, ok?
The Truth runs in and takes on both men! Don tries to hit him with a chair, but Truth blocks it and uses it on him! They start fighting through the crowd....and there�s still no help by Jarrett or anyone. Don goes into the crowd and Truth tries to leap onto him off the guard rail but slips. He covers nicely by not drawing any attention to it, jumping over and taking him down! They begin brawling in the crowd and if I were The Truth, I�d be pretty heated that I had no back up. He�s finally taken down by THREE Big Boots, into a chair..into the face of Killings. They brawl up the balcony where they throw him over it, sending him crashing through 2 tables as the Harris� flip off the crowd and drop some F-bombs.
Pretape by Jeff Jarrett on the Auction...win a day with JJ at his lakehouse. Hey, maybe its NOT pre-taped and that�s why he didn�t help The Truth. Right? Yes? No?
In the back, Bullet Bob Armstrong asks BG James to team with Jarrett despite their difference to take on the Harris� seeing as how Truth just got taken out. Bullet Bob: �Can you help me out, brother?�. BG: �I�ll do it for you, Dad�. Bullet Bob: �Thanks, Son�. Do you ever call your son �brother�? What kind of family is this! Then again....there�s so many Armstrongs, he probably forgot which one he was talking to.
Bullrope Match: Americas Most Wanted vs. Father James Mitchell
Match Background: Same as the Lee/Harris match and the Storm/Slash match.
The Match: As Father James Mitchell comes down to the ring, he brings THAT ASS, excuse me, Belladonna out with him, holding the bullrope. FJM is sick and his personal physician, Dr. Jack Kervorkian (Hardy Har Har) just gave him the news. He has DOUBLE pneumonia. Hey man, I�ve had pneumonia before....He�s a TROOPER. He shouldn�t even be in the building! Instead, he�s going to let Belladonna take his place in the match. Excuse me while I foam at the mouth. She heads towards the ring...DETERMINED TO WHIP SOME COWBOY ASS! She puts on the bullrope and tells them to put it on....and they�re ignoring her. They eventually figure �hey, we got her instead, so we might as well�, so Storm picks her up....and shoves her down. Bastard! They go after FJM at the top of the ramp, but the Disciples come down and begin brawling with them. They get in the ring with the Disciples taking over and pretty much laying them out. The ref demands they get out and tell him to get in....which he�ll GLADLY do now that they�re down and out. He�s feeling just a bit better although I�m surprised the guy can even move with DOUBLE Pneumonia, man. He chokes Storm with the rope and gouges Harris� eyes with those sharp ass fingernails. Ow. He nails them both in the head with the cowbell. He might as well pin them now. He grabs THE STICK~! and he says �Ain�t Evil a bitch? And speaking of bitches, I would like to get my lovely Belladonna in here to finish the job�. Oh, Harris and Storm are in for a HOUSE OF PAIN! She nails them both with the bullrope with all of the strength she can muster and tries to come off the 2nd rope, but Harris pulls her off. OH MAN!!!! She landed REALLY hard on her right knee and she�s clutching it. I hope she�s not hurt, that looked pretty bad. Those BASTARDS. Storm gives her the Eight Second Ride.....followed by The Catatonic by Harris (along with a HANDFUL of THAT ASS) and I�m afraid for this girls safety man. She is NOT a trained wrestler. Storm makes Belladonna straddle him.....oh, thats just half of the Death Sentence. THE DEATH SENTENCE?!?! They kill Belladonna for the pin and chase Mitchell to the back.
My Opinion: DUD Ahh....that sounded like a lot of fun didn�t it? Well, bait and switch always sucks, you know that but I just hope that Belladonna isn�t hurt as she took some HARSH bumps.
Don West Heart Attack Time # 2 as we hype next week�s matches! AJ Styles vs. Amazing Red! Siaki vs. THE JERRY LYNN~! Jeff Jarrett vs. Curt Hennig for the NWA Title.
We go to a pre-taped sit down interview with Tenay and Hennig. Hennig calls himself THE greatest athlete to come out of the state of Minnesota. He talks about how he was AWA champ in �87, but the REAL World champ wore the NWA title. Ahh, that reminds me of the Ric Flair angle from �91 claiming to be the REAL World�s champ. He didn�t like the way Russo put the title on actors (David Arquette) and the like. He didn�t pay his dues, that�s why he�s not respected. He gives Jeff Jarrett his props....but then says: �There�s a big difference between being great and being good. I�m great, he�s good.� He claims he�s in the best shape of his life (HA!)...and after taking WWE champion Brock Lesnar down at 35,000 feet, it lit a fire under him. That�s funny...it should have been when he was re-hired by WWE after his performance in thw 2K2 Rumble, not the moment that got him fired. Tenay corrects him by telling him he WAS the champ (so, you know he watches). He �KNOWS� that he can still perform like he did 10 years ago (he hasn�t shown it so far) and he�ll be the champ next week. Tenay says good luck to which Hennig responds with: �I don�t need luck, I�m that good�.
The Harris Brothers vs. Jeff Jarrett & BG James
Match Background: Jeff Jarrett and The Harris Brothers were the last members of the WCW version of the NWO after everything went to shit. Other than that, they haven�t crossed paths in TNA. BG James took on Ron Harris and defeated him in the first round of the NWA Title tournament in Week 18. He went on to face Jeff Jarrett in the finals of that tournament and lost to the current champ.
The Match: During BG�s introduction, he doesn�t come out....he was �laid out� in the back, something we never saw. The Harris� realize they got JJ all by his lonesome and go on the attack. They doubleteam him around ringside and battle in the crowd, almost killing some little girls in the process. They throw him into a few rows of chairs and toss a few at him as well. He fights back with chairshots, but he can�t overcome them. �Let�s go Jarrett� chant. He tries to come back with chair shots again but can�t. They finally make it back to the ring where Ron gives him a sideslam. They go for the H-bomb, but he flips out and lands on his feet...for nothing as they clothesline him down. They go for it again and he flips out...AGAIN, but this time he gets a double clothesline. Jarrett takes over as The Truth starts hobbling down the ramp with a chair and taped ribs. JJ hits them both with chairshots and takes over on Don in the corner. Truth comes in, but Ron is there to greet him and it�s not with a handshake or a hello. Jarrett hits THE STROKE, but Don takes it worse than ANYONE ON THIS EARTH and gets pinned!
My Opinion: DUD. The Harris� just aren�t good....and Jarrett being alone in a handicap match isn�t going to help the workrate of the match. Jarrett singlehandedly defeated them so that doesn�t exactly put over Russo�s goons as being any good.
After the match, Jarrett tells Truth to come with him, but he refuses. Jarrett bounces and Truth takes THE STICK~! He wants Russo NOW. �I want some ass from Russo!� Whoa, Truth...whoa.
The Harris� Attack like they�re a Fox Special and hit the H-Bomb on Killings. Russo comes into the ring as they give him a 2nd H-bomb. BG James comes into the ring with a chair and the Harris Bros. leave....but Russo stays in the ring. Oh, this is SUCH a turn. How do I know? If he wasn�t turning, Russo would be scared shitless and would have left the ring. Killings gets up.....and BG puts him down with a chair shot. Everyone is surprised, of course as they celebrate. At the top of the ramp, however...PAUL BEARER is standing there...nodding and smiling!
End of PPV!
Overall: Well, that certainly was interesting. We got Piper making an unscheduled appearance (although rumors are circulating that it was a shoot, which makes that whole scene more interesting if you watch it again), Paul Bearer (William Moody, Percy Pringle) returning to wrestling, BG James turning heel and the Harris Bros. aligning themselves with Russo. Throw in the 4-way match and you got one weird show. Paul Bearer hasn�t done anything not associated with The Undertaker or Kane in at over 10 years, so I�m interested to see where that is going. EZ Money should be next in line for either Siaki or Lynn and with things going the way they are, don�t be surprised if Siaki wins the title next week.
Speaking of next week, that�s when you�ll see me again.
The Dames, Damian Gonzalez
Any questions, comments, hate mail, fan mail, ANYTHING...email me at [email protected]
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