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TNA
The Royal Treatment: Smackdown Turkey Day 2004
Posted by Peter Kostka on Nov 27, 2004, 00:08
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Note: This is an incomplete recap this week, since my tape cut off at the beginning of the main event for some reason.
Previously recorded in Rochester, New York. Diva loser-ette Joy readies a table full of Thanksgiving food that is beside the stage for a Big Show Thanksgiving party that is coming up tonight.
Rene Dupree (w/Fifi and swollen eye) vs. Rey Mysterio (Partners are banned from ringside)
Man, Holly sure busted Rene up, didn�t he? All that over a traffic ticket? I could go on about how Holly is a useless lump that should have been tossed on the heap with the rest of the victims of Waiverpalooza �04, but I want to get this done tonight. Speaking of useless lumps, Torrie Wilson earns her paycheck for the week (though she probably does most of her job backstage) by playing ring announcer. The tag title match is official for Armageddon, by the way. And the kayfabed excuse for Rene�s eye is that Fifi did it, which is pretty weak, even for WWE.
Rene works the arm to start, but Rey rolls out of it and hits a springboard armdrag and tries a crossbody, but Rene dropkicks him out of the air. Delayed vertical suplex and Rene goes up, taking forever, and missing a legdrop. Double KO (2 minutes in, of course), and Rey gets a dropkick to the face and a bulldog for 2. Rey sets him up, but Rene tosses Rey out on the attempt. Rene tries to feed him some ringpost and stuffing, but ends up sucking it down himself (yes, I�m doing the food metaphors and you can�t stop me. No, don�t press the close button!!! Ok, you win.) Rey rolls him in and comes back in himself with a springboard senton for 2. He tries a headscissors, but Rene just drops him to the mat and partakes in some Outrageous, Morally Damaging French Two-Stepping, but it�s another case of premature celebration, because Rey headscissors him into position and hits the 619 before Dropping the Dime for the pin.
Rating: 1/10
Thoughts: Decent for the 5 minutes or so it was given, but Rene is just horrid in singles. At least he kept away from the chinlocks, so he�s a step above Grenier at this point anyway. Rey�s offense is starting to get REALLY repetitive right now, and the different ways he�s putting guys into position for the 619 are getting really contrived. What happened to just tripping or dropkicking the guy in the back?
- Kenzo Suzuki watches on a monitor as Torrie walks to the back after announcing the winner, and Hiroko offers him some turkey. Would he like a leg or a wing? No, Kenzo says (joke coming in on runway 6, you are clear for landing), he wants a breast *BA DUM CHING*. Hiroko is slow to get it, and storms off in disgust.
- We recap last week�s Tough Enough challenge and Uncle Al leads the Not Ready for Velocity Players to the ring.
- It�s elimination time, but before we do that, Al asks Ryan Reeves if he wants to quit since he suffered two broken ribs last week. Instead of a simple yes or no, Reeves goes on about how silverbacks are leaders and he�s the leader of TE before refusing. Surprisingly (a little, anyway) Dan Rodimer is gone, which pretty much sucks out 1/3 of the personality that these guys had. This week, the final four will go head to head in armwrestling. Puder and Miz square off first (with Miz at a disadvantage right off the bat because he�s a lefty and has to use his right hand). Miz takes forever to get in position, which is a prerequisite for these things it seems and is quickly beaten. Reeves and Justice are second, and Reeves wins after a bit of a struggle. Puder and Reeves face off, and Puder wins quickly again.
Thoughts: Puder�s a lock to win this unless Miz somehow gets a shitload of votes from the female MTV audience. Another difference I�ve noticed from previous TEs: I don�t think I�ve seen Al smile once. On the first three seasons, it was cool to see how the kids bonded with not only each other, but the trainers as well (i.e. Jonah and Bill in TE III). Now, Al sounds like some schmuck they pulled off the street who is told to sound all authoritarian.
Tonight: Miss Jackie faces Dawn Marie in a �Pilgrims vs. Indians� match.
Eddie Guerrero and Booker T profess their readiness for their tag match and their mutual dislike of JBL when Amy (JBL�s new image consultant, remember) and stirs up dissention. Eddie says that Booker�s never won the big one in WWE, so Booker goes there and mentions Eddie�s family. Amy points out that Undertaker is also in the match, which shuts them both out.
- Joy shows the cleavage while still preparing the table.
- Cole and Tazz talk about John Cena being attacked by Jesus at the end of last week�s show. His kidney was re-injured, and Tazz doubts Cena can come back again. We recap the US title change last week, and Carlito is in the back for an interview. He�s in too much pain to deal with someone as uncool as Cole (aren�t we all?) The person to blame for all of this is Cena, who brutally attacked CCC before the match even started and got what he deserved. To reward Jesus, Carlito gives him Cena�s chain, which does look cool on him. Jesus says he is a street thug, just like Cena claims to be, and thinks he has proven to the locker room what he can do if someone touches Carlito. He also just got his wrestling license, so if Cena ever comes back, he�ll fight him anywhere. Jesus repeats what Cena said last week (�Payback is a bitch.�) and Carlito spits apple into the camera. Not a bad first promo from Jesus, I gotta say. We�ll see how he can back it up in the ring.
- RVD tapes up for his match and Rey walks up to him. Rey asks him en espanol about his match with Kenzo Suzuki, to which RVD answers �That�s a great idea; get your kid a motorcycle for Christmas�, but RVD comprende (and even throws some Spanglish in himself). Rey points out that Kenzo is a little loony after that 420 they gave him last week (which is the new name for their double team legdrop, I guess), but RVD is ready.
RVD vs. Kenzo Suzuki (w/Hiroko)
Once again partners are banned and once again Torrie is ring announcer. Kenzo blocks a kick and chops to start, but RVD blocks a kick and nails one to Kenzo�s face. He elbows him down and goes up, but Kenzo crotches him and boots away in the corner before nailing a clothesline for 2. Kenzo works him over for a bit and drops a knee for 2 before hitting the chinlock. RVD fights free and Kenzo tries to keep the momentum, but RVD kicks him from the second rope and hits the Rolling Thunder before going up, but Hiroko tries to protect her man and distracts RVD so Kenzo can choke him with a sash, earning him the DQ. Torrie goes into the ring to make the announcement (thereby breaking my contrive-o-meter) and of course, gets into a catfight with Hiroko. Kenzo pulls Torrie off and swivels his hips for her, so RVD makes the save.
Rating: 1/10
Thoughts: Is this like the fourth match that Kenzo has gotten himself disqualified in? What makes him so dumb that he can�t do a simple low blow behind the referee�s back like other heels? Choking a guy with a sash in plain view isn�t going to win you any points there, Kenzo. By saving Torrie, I think RVD earned himself the first spot in line after the show tonight.
- Joy licks some whipped cream off a pie (ok, you can tone it down to about a 6.5, 7 there honey) and heads to the ring.
Josh Matthews is in the ring along with a big table of food and intros Big Show. He couldn�t think of a better way to spend Thanksgiving than with the fans and the greatest announce team in the business, but JR and Lawler are on Mondays. He goes on about Thanksgiving with his family, complete with bad jokes. Even Cole�s only giving him a courtesy laugh. He finally invites Cole, Tazz, Tony Chimmel and the crew in and they start digging in, but Luther Reigns interrupts. He�s never had a Thanksgiving, since every holiday meant either fighting, running, or being locked up. He doesn�t need a Thanksgiving as an excuse to say thanks, because he said thanks every day that he was alive. He crashes the party, orders Joy to serve him, and shoves a pie in her face, so Show slams his face into another pie and readies a gobblershot, but decides to boot him out instead. Tazz suddenly starts throwing food, triggering the mandatory food fight (which amuses Show), and Show gets a pie in the face from Joy.
Thoughts: Pointless holiday tripe, but actually a real good promo from Reigns that builds on his character some.
- Cole and Tazz have a hearty laugh while Chimmel gets wiped down.
- Kurt Angle is out, flanked by two police officers. Angle is thankful that people like the Kurt Angle Invitational. Once again, if a hometown hero beats him by pin or submission, he wins Angle�s Olympic medal. Whoa, he�s actually brought out the real deal. His opponent heads to the ring. Why is a sign being blurred?
Kurt Angle vs. Cody Steele
The crowd chants �liar� since apparently he�s not actually from Rochester. Kurt drops down to all fours and lets Cody start on top (wait, that sounded wrong), but Angle easily overpowers him and slams him down before roughing him up a bit. Angle tells him to drop down and kicks him in the face and hits the Angle Slam, which sets Cole off as Angle locks in the Anglelock for the submission.
Rating: None
Thoughts: I still don�t really know where they are going with this. I can only assume that this will end up with Angle facing Puder again.
- Al gives each guy 20 seconds to say what they are thankful for. Miz thanks his fans for voting for him and is thankful that he isn�t a brown-noser like Puder. Doesn�t he know that Puder can fuck him up but good? Ryan conducts a silverback survey and goes over time. Justice and Puder thanks God and family, and Puder stumbles over his words again. Al opens the voting. Either Miz or Justice is gone, I think. Probably Miz, since he�s getting real annoying.
- Recap of Heidenreich�s breakdown last week, and Josh talks with Paul Heyman. Heidenreich is all drugged up and watched, so he can�t enjoy Thanksgiving like the rest of us. He has problems, but he�s getting them taken care of. Paul wants a moment of silence for Heidenreich.
- Miss Jackie stretches with Michelle and talks about the rumors of Charlie Haas cheating on her. Charlie walks in and takes a peek at Michelle�s ass as she leaves. Jackie prediction for this match? Pain. Haas brings up the rumors and Jackie asks if there is validity to them, to which Charlie answers with a big wet one.
Miss Jackie Standish vs. She Who Sleeps With Many Men
They argue and roll around for a bit and referee Charles Robinson tries to separate them, which gets him shoved down. He calls for the bell and Haas runs down to help him separate the two. Tazz points out that Charlie helped Dawn first. Pointless. Cole says that this issue isn�t over. Yay.
- Once again, WWE is going to the Middle East for the holidays.
Booker T and Eddie Guerrero vs. JBL and Orlando Jordan
My tape cut out here, but the match ended when the Bashams (wearing masks) ran into the ring and allowed JBL to get the victory on Eddie. Tazz speculates that JBL paid them off and Undertaker appeared to kick some ass and hold up the belt to end the show.
Final Thoughts: Since it�s a holiday, you expect these guys to mail it in this week, and they pretty much did. Absolutely nothing of any real note happened, as Smackdown continues to wallow in mediocrity while RAW has at least latched on to something (although they are in danger of flushing any goodwill they had with the fans if HHH wins the battle royal on Monday). Armageddon looks like a two match show right now.
JHawk�s got the double duty next week, so I�ll see you in December for RAW.
Send feedback to [email protected].
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