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TNA
SmackDown! from JHawk's Beak (6/16/2005)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Jun 16, 2005, 21:05
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SmackDown! from JHawk's Beak
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
EC-DUB! EC-DUB! EC-DUB! Oh my God! What a show One Night Stand was. That was the first show I remember being 100% jazzed up for coming into the show in a long time. And after seeing it live, I hope that when something resembling official buyrate estimates are available that this blows away anything we've ever seen. Outside of Eddie-Benoit and possibly Rey-Psicosis, that was the best pay-per-view I've seen from top to bottom in at least two years. Absolutely amazing. If you missed it live, buy that DVD when it's released on June 28. Trust me.
Tonight: Who is the latest draft lottery pick for SmackDown? Plus, at least one old face returns, and I heard something about Eddie Guerrero vs. Paul London, which should be awesome if Eddie doesn't get pissy about having to job.
Segment 1
Last week, Chris Benoit was drafted to SmackDown.
Taped June 14, 2005 from the Giant Center in Hershey, Pennsylvania! Michael Cole and Tazz are here to call the action! Tonight, the draft lottery continues!
But John Bradshaw Layfield and the Cabinet are in the ring, and JBL's gotten the stench of ECW off his body. He does congratulate them on the show's success, although he takes credit for it. Idiot. But even with the success, they'll never be SmackDown superstars. JBL then claims he's the sole draw of SmackDown, and the Bashams and Orlando Jordan look at him like he farted in church during baptism or communion. And if Benoit doesn't believe JBL's great, he can have it reinforced by wrestling Doug Basham.
One fall: Doug Basham (w/John Bradshaw Layfield, Orlando Jordan, and Danny Basham) vs. Chris Benoit
Benoit with an early advantage, getting a snap suplex and a backbreaker for 2. Basham reverses a corner whip, then quickly turns the match into a brawl. Elbowdrop for a series of near falls. Reverse chinlock, then an eye gouge. Benoit gets in a double-leg before pounding away at Benoit. Basham quickly regains control, getting a reverse neckbreaker. Knee to the head for 2. Benoit fights back with forearms. Doug tries another neckbreaker, but Benoit counters. Dropkick to the lower leg, then a series of hard chops. Forearm smash. Into the rolling Germans. Up top, and Danny's interference buys Doug some time to take Benoit down with a superplex for a two count. A counter sequence ends with Benoit getting a weird Victory roll-type thing in for the pin at 6:30. The Cabinet immediately interferes and jumps the winner, and down go the lights, up goes the gong, and The Undertaker returns to bury the Cabi--er, I mean, to save Chris Benoit. An angry JBL says Taker doesn't deserve to be there, but out comes Theodore Long to say Taker meets JBL with no disqualifications in tonight's main event.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
A decent match with a bit of a messed up finish, but sadly it was only used as a veiled attempt to announce a main event rather than to put somebody over. I like Doug Basham and would actually like to see him get a singles push, as he could be a very viable US Title level wrestler and occasional TV main eventer with even a moderate amount of decent booking.
Segment 2
The Big Show takes on Matt Morgan later tonight.
One fall: Eddy Guerrero vs. Paul London (WWE Cruiserweight Champion)
Assuming the weight limit is still 220 pounds, Eddy is eight pounds over the weight limit, thus making this a non-title match. Of course, Eddy interrupted last week's London-Akio match, pissing London off and leading to this match. Eddy attacks London as London slides into the ring. London fights back with forearms and clotheslines Eddy for 2. Eddy with a power bomb to gain control, and he actually decides to brawl London rather than wrestle him. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. Chinlock. London elbows out of it and dropsaults Eddy. Hard forearms, followed by a backdrop. Mushroom stomp, then a modified superkick for 2. Up top, but Eddy crotches him, and London falls headfirst to the mat. Old school brain buster. Eddy appears ready for the Frog Splash, but he goes into the Texas Cloverleaf instead. London tries to fight, but is forced to tap at 4:27. Eddy refuses to release the hold until Rey Misterio Jr. returns to SmackDown, leveling Eddy repeatedly with a chair. Rey and Eddy brawl on the floor until officials come out to try to separate. "Try" being the operative word there.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Another decent match that is a veiled attempt to further something else. London might be one of the best in the WWE at selling his opponent's offense right now. Nothing to really argue with here, as it was perfectly acceptable given the time allotted, and it's about time Rey returned to try to get revenge on Eddy.
Segment 3
Order the encore presentation of ECW One Night Stand all week long. Seriously, this one's got the JHawk Stamp of Approval on it.
Your hosts discuss ECW One Night Stand.
The brawl between Eddy and Rey continues back in the garage area as officials continue to attempt to break them up. This can only end with a street fight at the Great American Bash, and I can't wait for it. It takes a lowered semi door to finally separate them.
The Cabinet walks backstage, and JBL refuses to allow the Bashams to join Orlando Jordan for his US Title Match. Jordan protests, but since JBL can't tell them apart, and since they're tired of taking the bullet for JBL, they tender their resignation.
Later tonight, the draft lottery continues, but up next, Booker T and Sharmell enter Carlito's Cabana.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Part of me wanted to mark out for the Bashams telling JBL to shove it, but it likely just means the end of their push rather than an update on their characters. It is nice to finally see the Cabinet getting fed up with Bradshaw's constant ego trip since he's on a two-month losing streak and all.
Segment 4
Carlito's Cabana
Carlito admits that Hershey's cool because people take pride in their town. As fat as they are, they must love their chocolate. After a quick plug for the Matt Morgan-Big Show match, we bring out our guests, Booker T and Sharmell. Now that Kurt Angle was drafted to Raw this week, shouldn't Sharmell be off TV? Booker's a lot more relaxed with Kurt Angle out of the picture, but he'd rather Angle stayed on Raw so they could kick his ass as a couple. How romantic. However, Sharmell can still be drafted to Raw, while Booker could stay on SmackDown, thus making me want to jab my eyes out with a spork. Of course, Carlito thinks their marriage falling apart could be cool. Sharmell acknowledges Carlito might be right, but if that's the case, remember Booker T kicking your ass. They throw apples at him as a couple. How romantic.
The US Title is on the line later tonight, not to mention JBL vs. The Undertaker in the main event.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Nothing says loving like tossing fruit at innocent wrestlers. GET SHARMELL OFF TV NOW! What purpose does she serve aside from aggravating me? Now we're building other feuds around the Angle-Sharmell incident, and I still don't give a crap.
Segment 5
Carlito asks Matt Morgan where he was, even though Carlito told him to stay in the back.
One fall: The Big Show vs. Matt Morgan
Not a lot of wrestling early, but some high impact blows and at a faster pace than the average Heidenreich squash. Show takes Morgan down with a clothesline. Out comes Carlito, and Show's distracted enough for Morgan to knock him to the floor. Carlito picks his spot to get his cheap shot in, and back in they go. Morgan kicks away at Show's ribs, then drops a leg for 2. Reverse chinlock. Show breaks with a back suplex. Show with an avalance in the corner, then a headbutt. Show drives Morgan out of the ring...in front of the broadcast table...uh oh. Morgan sends Show head first into the ringsteps, then goes in and out of the ring to break the count. Morgan sets up the announce table, and it's the week before Judgment Day all over again. Show grabs Morgan by the throat to choke slam him, but Carlito levels Show with a chair to give the Show the DQ victory at 5:06. Morgan goes for the F5 through the table, but show choke slams him through it instead.
Here's how tonight's main event came about. Check Segment 1 for the details.
Orlando Jordan is on his way to the ring. He defends the US Title next.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
I will give them credit for one thing. They did a nice job of incorporating the F5 through a table spot that they've done previously into this matchup. This was actually pretty good by superheavyweight standards, as outside of the chinlock they kept a pretty solid pace for the duration of the matchup, but they need a clean winner somewhere quickly to blow this thing off.
Segment 6
One fall for the WWE United States Championship: Orlando Jordan� vs. Hardcore Holly
Jordan with knees and forearms to start. Punches. Holly ducks a clothesline and shoulderblocks Jordan to the canvas. Hard chops in the corner. Snap suplex for 2. Jordan with a drop toehold, followed by a spinebuster. Elbowsmash. Snap suplex for 2. Johnson Shuffle, but a Hardcore Holly right hand ends the sequence prematurely. Rana. Clothesline. Wow, what a backdrop! Half nelson suplex for 2. Jordan with a knee, but the comeback lasts three moves before Holly dropkicks Jordan and gets a near fall. Flying clothesline, and everybody senses the title change. Alabama Slam, but Jordan grabs the ropes to block it. Jordan backdrops Holly to the apron. Holly tries to sunset flip back in, but Jordan sits down and hooks the ropes for the pin at 5:01.
We still have that no DQ main event coming up tonight.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
How sad is it that Hardcore freaking Holly just came within an eyelash of winning the highest singles title currently on SmackDown, and the crowd actually bought into it? This was actually like the rest of the action thus far tonight: Perfectly acceptable given the time allotted. And I'm not sure I would have wanted this one to go much longer anyway, so no problems there.
Segment 7
As Heidenreich comes to the ring with a giant Hershey bar, I wonder why he never joined JBL's cabinet as the Ambassador of Nazi Relations.
...
WHAT?
Anyway! Heidenreich wrote a poem about Hershey's chocolate, and damn the Indians for taking the rain delay now of all times. The SmackDown Divas come out to hand out Hershey kisses to the crowd, thus making this segment a complete waste of time. This turns into the worst written softcore porn scene I've seen since Cinemax started airing Lord of the G-Strings. Out comes MNM (thank God). Melina's entrance saves the segment by itself. Melina insults the divas' weight and demands MNM's spotlight. Of course, Heidenreich is offended that they insulted his friends. Melina says she'll never be Heidenreich's friend since she's already got two friends in the WWE Tag Team Champions. They don't act "like a kindergartener on crack." Michelle McCool atracks Melina, and during the pullapart, the champions attack Heidenreich. YES! Snapshot!
The main event is next.
The scary thing is this means Heidenreich finds a friend...and a tag team partner...and likely gets a tag team title reign because this gimmick is getting over because people are stupid. Thank God for MNM for saving the segment, and would you have ever expected Johnny Nitro to ever have anything to do with saving a segment on any TV show?
Why the fuck did I just see a Slammiversary commercial on my UPN affiliate?
Segment 8
Next week, Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Eddy Guerrero. Watch one of them get drafted Monday so we don't end up getting it.
No Disqualification Match scheduled for one fall: John Bradshaw Layfield (w/Orlando Jordan) vs. The Undertaker
Before The Undertaker can make his entrance, Chris Benoit storms the ring, and JBL sends Jordan out to run interference. Benoit brawls with Jordan until they reach the back as JBL screams "Don't leave me alone."
COMMERCIAL BREAK
That was actually a good way to play off of the beating in the opening segment and still set this up as a one-on-one match with no interference. Nice, simple, sensible booking.
Segment 9
No Disqualification Match scheduled for one fall: John Bradshaw Layfield (w/o Orlando Jordan) vs. The Undertaker
JBL with a series of right hands right off the bat. Taker comes back with a series of his own. JBL with a boot to the face, and Taker returns the favor. Undertaker begins working on the left arm, ramming it into the turnbuckle before doing Old School earlier in a match than I might have ever seen it. DDT for 2. Out to the floor they go, and it's a ploy from JBL to regain the advantage. It doesn't work well, obviously. Taker with a headbutt, then he sends Bradshaw into the steel steps. Taker goes for the steps again, but JBL reverses it, and Taker's knees hit the steps hard. Atomic drop onto the guardrail, then a right hand that sends Taker into the crowd.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Taker shows some of his usual offense early on, and other than that it's been a simple brawl. Nothing much of note.
Segment 10
JBL rolls Taker into the ring. He goes to the top rope (!) and takes Taker down with a flying shoulderblock for 2. Swinging neckbreaker. And another one. Cover for 2. Sleeperhold. Taker throws JBL into the ropes and gets a sleeper of his own, but JBL takes Taker down with a back suplex and covers for 2. Right hands. Choke against the ropes. Both men exchange punches, with Taker getting the best of the exchange. Bradshaw with a thumb to the eye, but he runs into the big boot. Taker rolls to the floor and sets Bradshaw up...guillotine elbow. Guillotine legdrop off the apron, and JBL rolls to the floor. Taker back in, which gives JBL the proper positioning to drive Taker throat first onto the top rope. JBL up top again, but this time Taker crotches him on the turnbuckle. Taker follows him up and takes him down with a superplex (!) that earns a count of 2. Wow. Corner whip, followed by a snake eyes and a big boot. Legdrop for 2. Choke slam for 2. Taker sets up for the Last Ride, but JBL quickly goes to the legal low blow. Clothesline from Hell! One! Two! Thr...NO! Taker gets the left shoulder up! Bradshaw with a series of right hands. Mounted punches in the corner, and Taker brings him out of the corner with the Last Ride for the thr--TWO COUNT? OK, even with four minutes left in the show that surprised me. Taker goes for the Tombstone, but Randy Orton is apparently the latest draft pick, as he takes Taker down with the RKO, and Bradshaw covers for the pin at 16:47. Orton gets the mic and says Taker had better get used to being RKO'd, as he's officially on SmackDown.
END OF SHOW
That would figure. Not only does outside interference mar the finish of the match just as it was getting good, but we begin setting up a rematch with Orton and The Undertaker. And while I don't necessarily mind seeing a rematch, we just did this at Raw this week. Do they seriosuly expect us to believe that both of these "random" picks just happened to set up WrestleMania rematches the exact same week? Barring that little logic gap, this was actually the best match of the night.
Overall, another kind of average shows in a series of average shows. I'd probably call this one better than Raw overall since there was a pretty wrestling-heavy focus this week, but there's nothing that stands out on this show like the final segment of Raw did. Still, the more the focus is on the wrestling, the better it's going to be, so I'll give a mild thumbs up.
Feedback here as usual, and I'll see you next week.
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