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Raw from JHawk's Beak (9/6/2004)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Sep 7, 2004, 11:37
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Raw from JHawk's Beak (9/6/2004)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
Happy Labor Day to those of you in the United States, and a happy Monday for the rest of you. Of course, you're not actually reading this until Tuesday (or later), so these are probably belated greetings, but what the hell, right?
Anyway, the reason for the late report this week is the Cleveland Indians' short season A affiliate made the playoffs with a win on the last day of the season and played host for game one of the league semifinals Monday night, and my brother was able to get some complimentary tickets. Let me just say that you have to go to a minor league playoff game if you get the opportunity, because the atmosphere is out of this world. But this report probably would have been done even sooner if not for a rarity: the 25-minute power delay. Yes, a power delay, as a small portion of the lights went out just before the start of the ninth inning (not enough to affect the sight of the ball), but the opposing manager was still able to bitch until they "fixed" the lights. In all honestly, the lack of light probably affects the fielders more in that situation since they have more trouble picking up the flight of the ball off the bat, but either way it was the same situation for both sides. That and I've seen little league teams play with less lighting.
But you're here for wrestling and not baseball, although if you are here for baseball and accidentally stumbled onto this recap, there's always Al Keiper's weekly baseball report to whet your appetite for some diamond goodness.
Tonight: Randy Orton faces Kane in a non-title match, and because Triple H simply refuses to let an opponent get the last laugh under any circumstances, he'll step inside a steel cage to face Eugene. Plus we'll finish up the hype for this Sunday's Unforgiven event. This is Raw...AND YOU WON'T LIKE IT!
Segment 1
Last week, Sensible Randy Orton ran in with a sledgehammer to attack Evolution before interfering against Hungry Hungry Hippos and leading Eugene to victory.
LIVE from Wichita Falls, Texas, and Eric Bischoff is already in the ring surrounded by the steel cage! What's the deal with the cage? Well, Triple H vs. Eugene is now going to be inside the cage. Um...we already knew that. Anyway, Hunter's gonna end Eugene's career, etc. etc. Can we get some new material, please? And oh yeah, if anybody helps Eugene (and he says it in a smarmy British accent), they'll be suspended. Now raise the cage please. Thank you. Now, Edge was injured about ten days ago, and he'll be out of action 4-6 weeks minimum. So Edge probably can't defend the Intercontinental Title within 30 days. Therefore, the Intercontinental Title is now vacant. And how long did Trish Stratus go without a defense again? More than 30 days, I guarantee that. And out comes Christian. And he immediately wants the Intercontinental Title handed to him despite the fact he hasn't wrestled in...oh, three months or so. That's gonna bring out Y2J+4, and you know he's gonna object. And of course, Jericho wants to win it in the ring tonight against Christian. Bischoff likes it, but not tonight. We're gonna hold it off until Sunday night on pay-per-view. And Jericho's not surprised, but since Jericho and Christian have wrestled so many times, they need to do something outside the box. Since we have to wait for Unforgiven anyway, why not let the people decide what type of match they want? Why not a steel cage match? A moderate pop. And Christian won't do it since that was how he got injured in the first place. Good point, actually. So he suggests no countouts...and the crowd actually waits a second thinking there's more to it before they boo. So Jericho suggests the ladder match (using the long explanation), and that gets the pop. And before Christian can object, Bischoff says "It's on!" So it's good to go. Jericho. Christian. Ladder Match. And a new Intercontinental Champion will definitely be crowned. So all that's left is for Jericho to attack Christian. He goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Tyson Tomko pulls him out of the ring before any more damage can be done.
Up next, a huge eight man tag team match!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Lots of logic gaps in this segment.
1. Trish went at least six weeks (closer to eight) without defending the women's title, and it was perfectly acceptable. Edge, at the time of being stripped, had only gone nine days without a defense. At the very least, wait until the end of the month, and if Edge still isn't good to go, then strip him of the title and put it up for grabs.
2. If we have to vacate the title and put it up for grabs, why not have a tournament? It gives the midcard guys you're not using something to do, and it could potentially give a huge rub to the winner, especially if in a one-night format.
3. Why the hell is Christian even in consideration for the title shot? Outside of some tag team matches at house shows, he has yet to wrestle since the cage match on Raw a few months ago. If I were a member of the Raw roster who has been there for the last three months and had to settle for wrestling on Heat so Christian could get a title shot in his first TV match in months, I'd be PISSED!
I do appreciate acknowledging their previous feud and precisely how Christian was injured, and it certainly wasn't a boring segment, but you gotta keep everything coherent here.
Segment 2
Eight Man Tag Team Match scheduled for one fall: The Man WHOO!, Batista, and World Tag Team Champions La Resistance vs. The Man Beast Rhyno, Tajiri Yoshihiro, Chris Benoit, and William Regal
Flair and Benoit start and pick up where they left off last week. Muchos chops exchanged in the corner as usual. Corner whip and a backdrop by Benoit, and a chop leads to the Flair Flop. Fist to the midsection by Flair, and a tag is made to Sylvain Grenier. Benoit tags Tajiri as well, and Tajiri unloads with a fast series of kicks. Whip, reversal, a sunset flip is countered, but Tajiri bridges out of it and levels Grenier with the back kick to the back of the head before covering for 2. All eight men are already brawling in the ring, and the faces have completely cleared the ring.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Energetic so far, but not enough is there for me to judge anything so far. It's been less than two minutes at this point, for crying out loud!
Segment 3
Flair chops Regal in the corner, who comes back with European uppercuts in the corner. Corner whip and a backdrop. Body check and a kneedrop, and in comes Rhyno. Corner gore and a clothesline. Rhyno goes after the illegal men, then whips Flair in. Blind tag by Batista, who comes in and attacks Rhyno. He runs into an elbow, but a sidewalk slam sends the man beast crashing to the mat. A series of knees in the corner, and the tag to Rob Conway. Hard corner whip for 2. Turnbuckle smash. Tag to Grenier. Kneedrop for 2. Turnbuckle smash. He stomps away in the corner, then distracts Chad Patton to allow Flair to choke. Tag to Flair. Chop. Punch. Chops. Rhyno punches back and gets the advantage, but Flair hooks the foot and tags Conway. Legdrop for 2. Slaps. A clothesline knock down gets 2. Tag to Flair. More chops. Kneedrop. They exchange blows, and they collide in midring after a whip. Tag to Conway, hot tag to Benoit, and forgive me for the lack of detail here if this develops into an eight way brawl. Benoit cleaning house, and there are the rolling Germans for Conway. Batista stops it, and in come both teams for the mass brawl. The legal men are left in the ring, and Benoit is up top for the swan dive headbutt. Sharpshooter, and Conway taps for the submission loss at 10:27. *3/4 Celebration time for the faces!
Let's go back to last week and the diva search segment from hell.
Those two main events are still to come.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
See, right here you see the prime example with what's wrong the current WWE product. Was the match exciting? What we saw of it, mostly. But look at that description. Chops, punches, turnbuckle smashes, and the occasional wrestling move thrown in for good measure. It's fun for the live crowd, who were very into the match, but it's not a great wrestling match. And beyond even that, we use this match as a preview for two upcoming PPV matches...and the two men involved in that decision aren't against each other at the PPV. Hell, Rhyno was the face in peril, and Flair was the heel with the most in-ring time! I always have mixed feelings about that, because although it's more realistic that way, it might prevent people from caring enough about those two matches to actually pay to see them.
Segment 4
Live from Wichita Falls.
SmackDown Rebound, focusing solely on Eddy vs. Angle.
Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton. He's meeting Kane just six days before his big title defense against...um...ummm... "What, are you afraid the almighty God of Raw might get upset if you say the wrong thing?" Orton might be wrestling Kane tonight, but it's about Orton vs. Triple H because Hunter wants Orton as weak as possible. "He thought to himself, 'Kane strong. Ugh ugh. He beat Randy Orton. Ugh. Ugh ugh.' " But Hunter's plans to regain the title have failed thus far, and they failed last week against Eugene as well, as the footage shows us. And after Unforgiven, the three most dominant letters on Raw won't be HHH, but RKO.
Trish the Bitch bumps into Lita backstage, and she actually compliments Lita on inserting Shawn Michaels' name onto Kane's open contract. Too bad she wasn't clever enough "not to let Kane insert himself into you". Lita wants to fuck her up but can't because of the baby. Trish: "You can hear it festering now." Lita's still all "Ok, bring it." And in come Nidia, who Trish insults, so Nidia insults her in Spanish. "Why don't you try a language I understand?" Off goes the hat, into the face goes the drink. I think they can understand that one in Spain too.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
It's probably not a good thing that Orton was stumbling through his promo a little bit there, especially if Vince McMahon is still undecided about whether he wants a title change or not this Sunday. Not a bad promo except for that bit of stuttering though. As far as the Trish-Nidia thing goes, allow me to translate.
"I wanted to get my tacos and enchiladas over at El Rodeo, but they gave me tacos and tamales instead. They told me to blame the blonde woman whose breath smells like a hamster's anus. You stupid bitch."
See? I'm fluent in broken English!
Segment 5
Non-Title Contest scheduled for one fall: Trish the Bitch (WWE Women's Champion) vs. Lucha Nidia
The last time Trish defended her title on television on July 5 (which was 63 days ago), Trish hit Nidia with her cast and won the match in about four seconds. Trish into the arm wringer and (apparently) a hair takedown, but Nidia comes back and drives her shoulder into the midsection. Nidia taunts her in Spanish, but Trish attacks the ribs...and gets hit right back. Trish sends Nidia to the outside, then kicks her in the side of the head. Back into the ring they go. Cover for 2. Another cover, this time with the ropes for leverage, and again only 2. Stomps. Faceslam. Turnbuckle smash. Whip, reversal, kick to the chest. Trish goes for Stratusfaction, but Nidia counters with a roll up for 2. Clothesline. Northern Lights suplex for 2. Ten punch countalong only gets to 4 as Trish rips part of Nidia's outfit, and the attempt to avoid the wardrobe malfunction leads to a Chick Kick and a three count at 3:30. 1/2*
In the locker room, Bischoff is excited as Triple H guarantees he'll finish off Eugene tonight. Bischoff's throwing a party, but Hunter doesn't want the party until after he defeats Orton for the title. So have the party next Monday night instead. Please no.
And we're lowering the cage!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
This match really didn't accomplish anything except give Nidia some TV time and give Trish a workout before her match with Victoria on Sunday. In fact, it didn't even build up for the match with Victoria on Sunday, as they've apparently decided they'd much rather have the first-ever "demon spawn mother vs. stuck up bitch match" at WrestleMania and can't go one week without overkilling any intrigue that one might have. I'm not one to say every single match needs to have massive build-up to it, but at least pretend you've got your priorities in order here.
Segment 6
Steel Cage Match: Eugene vs. Hungry Hungry Hippos
Instead of being his usual happy-go-lucky self, Eugene is terrified of entering the cage. Pins, submissions, or escaping the cage to win. Hunter attacks with a forearm before the bell, and he immediately uses the cage as a weapon. Eugene punches back and drives Hunter back to the corner. Corner whip, reversal, clothesline by Eugene. Inverted atomic drop. Inverted heel kick. Eugene tries to get out the door, but the referee's slow to open it, so Hunter is able to keep him in the cage. Eugene regains the advantage and tries to climb out the cage, but Hunter straddles him onto the top turnbuckle. Then it's facefirst into the cage repeatedly, then Hunter ties him into the Tree of Woe to stomp away. Eugene is bleeding as Hunter continues to ram him into the cage. And a series of punches into the open wound. Cage scrape. A punch into the "injured" ribs, but Eugene walks into the sleeperhold. Eugene shifts his weight to send Hunter crashing into the cage. Eugene crawling for the door, and Hunter dives in desperation to try to stop him. Eugene kicks him off, but Hunter recovers and goes back to using the cage as a weapon. Kick, Pedigree, and JR's happy because it's over...except there's no attempt to win by Triple H. I mean, he goes to the door, but you know he ain't leaving. He uses the old school Ivan Koloff top-rope knee drive to the left arm, and Eugene is screaming in pain as Hunter smiles. And Hunter starts toying with the fallen babyface. He walks out of the cage for the victory at 7:43...that was kinda anticlimatic. ** Trainer Larry Heck goes to check Eugene...but Hunter tosses him aside and slams the cage door onto the left shoulder.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
A heel wins a cage match? Someone goes through the door to win a cage match? I think I missed a booking meeting somewhere along the line, because I always thought the babyface was supposed to win the blowoff more often than not. And while I'm not one of those people who always questions the heel getting a win in a feud, it does seem really out of place that the face doesn't get the win in a cage match. Has that ever happened without a cheap run-in? Not that I can remember off the top of my head, but leave it to a member of the McMahon family to break tradition. That being said, I'm not really that upset by it. Hell, they've sold the fact that Hunter is willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done, including seriously injuring somebody. Really good storytelling leading up to the match with Orton on Sunday.
Segment 7
Replays of the injury.
Coach kisses Bischoff's ass, then interviews Edge. Edge questions how Bischoff will only call on the 30-day rule when he wants to. He'd rather lose it hurt then not lose it at all, but apparently Bischoff's too busy keeping his hair dyed and kissing Evolution's ass to wait the month out.
Kane is backstage bitching at Lita about his upcoming match with Shawn Michaels, but he's really not worried considering the beating he laid down on HBK back on June 14. Here's the clip to prove it. Since Kane and Lita are partners now, Lita is as responsible for what happens to HBK on Sunday and Orton tonight. In fact, Lita is being ordered to come to ringside to watch the action...and watch Orton get taken out a la HBK. God, we've already had the wedding, can't we get this chick off TV already?
Good Ol' JR and The King go over the Unforgiven lineup. Shawn Michaels vs. Kane. William Regal and Chris Benoit vs. Batista and Ric Flair. Trish Stratus vs. Victoria (which leads to the Day of Reckoning plug). Chris Jericho vs. Christian in a ladder match. La Resistance vs. Tajiri and Rhyno. And Triple H vs. Randy Orton. That's either going to be a kickass show, or a three hour train wreck. Somehow I'm leaning toward the latter.
Chris Jericho vs. Tyson Tomko is next.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Ah, so we bring back the 30 day rule to give Edge some airtime. I still hold to the "wait until the end of the 30 days" thing. There really isn't anything in this segment worth mentioning, as with the wedding over the Kane-Lita thing has no legs at all, and Edge's interview does nothing but give us another GM vs. wrestler feud when Edge comes back...if they change their mind about turning Edge heel. Honestly, I'd use this situation as a catalyst for Edge joining Evolution. Kind of a "if you can't beat them, join them" thing. You'd solidify his heel turn and make this title vacancy actually mean something at the same time.
Segment 8
One fall: Y2J+4 vs. Tyson Tomko (w/Christian)
Tomko runs into an elbow, and Jericho begins to punch away at Tomko. Drop toehold into the ropes, followed by the squisher (tm Kevin Nash). Jericho is able to chase Christian to the back, but turns and walks into a Tomko choke slam. A series of right hands. Neck crank. Jericho with elbows to the midsection to break, but Tomko continues the assault. Jericho comes back with a series of forearms and chops. Corner whip by Tomko, but Jericho stops the charge and chop blocks the knee. Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho as Christian returns to ringside with a ladder, and Tomko kicks off the Walls attempt. There's the Big Boot from Hell...and it only gets 2. Jericho avoids the Sammartino backbreaker and gets the enzuigiri. Cover, but Christian distracts the referee. Jericho knocks Christian off the apron, but Tomko takes Jericho down with a torture rack into a neckbreaker for the pin at 2:55. I'm impressed. Tomko learned a new move. 3/4* Postmatch, Tomko holds Jericho, enabling Christian to use the ladder on Jericho. Then they place the ladder over Jericho, and Christian climbs.
Up next, the diva search. I forgot we still had to do that. I was hoping they had forgotten too.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
We can at least say Tomko's improving since he did add a new move to his arsenal. And I'm willing to give credit to creative for this segment, as they essentially had to scramble to get this one booked for the PPV with Edge's injury and are at least trying to build it up. The match certainly wasn't good, but it was short enough that it wasn't horrible either. And sometimes with guys like Tomko in the ring, that's all you can really ask.
Segment 9
"Survival of the Sickest" by Saliva is the official theme song for Unforgiven.
And My Future Wife is hosting the Raw Diva Search for the second straight week, and this week they show us the money that is up for grabs. And out come the rest of the diva contestants, and I protest due to the lack of Maria. God, I wish they were rigging this vote since Carmella has absolutely no business being out here. We're going to arm wrestle tonight...and all four get to compete even though one was eliminated last week. That's waste of somebody's time. And probably the eliminated diva's time too. And the winner will get to pour some Texas chili over the other three. Let's do the short versions here.
Amy vs. Christy: Christy wins, and Stacy shows she's blonde by crediting Amy with the win first.
Carmella vs. Joy: Carmella wins.
Carmella vs. Christy: Christy wins, then proceeds to toss the chili onto the chests of the other three ladies. Pour it over their heads, dammit! And look at Carmella run like a bitch so as not to get too much on her. VOTE HER THE FUCK OFF ALREADY!
It is only NOW that we find out Amy was eliminated last week (and I'd be pissed to have to deal with the chili when I couldn't have won anyway), and there are the phone numbers to vote for your favorite.
Kane vs. Orton is next.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Hey, we all know that I don't really give a shit about this contest since they basically found ten professional models/actresses and tried to pass them off as normal everyday women who are trying to chase their dreams. But Carmella winning this thing would make it even more of a joke than it already is. She doesn't want to participate in any of these events. She tried to run from the bucket of chili, she half-assed the ice cream sale, she "seduced" Kamala by laughing at him for the entire 20 seconds, and she couldn't even bothered to show up for the diva dodgeball at SummerSlam. In my eyes, that should have gotten her disqualified immediately since it proved she had no interest in actually following the WWE schedule (unless she was getting into an eye-scratching fight with some random chick in the Flats). To hell with the fan vote at that point. But as I said two months ago when they started wasting my life with this garbage, Vince simply isn't going to turn down the Playmate of the Year, and since most casual fans don't really care if these women have things like personalities or an interest in wrestling, we shouldn't really be surprised.
Segment 10
All About Shelton Benjamin is on his way back.
Live in Wichita Falls, Texas, as we find out Eugene has a separated shoulder and has likely ended his career.
Next week, diva boxing between the last two divas. That's not going to suck at all. ::rolls eyes::
Non-Title Contest scheduled for one fall: Sensible Randy Orton (World Heavyweight Champion) vs. Kane (w/Lita)
For the record, no, I don't really find the sensible Randy Orton stuff in the TSM Forums to be all that funny, but you might as well give the readers the acknowledgement that you're paying attention. Lockup, into the corner, clean break, Orton with a pie face. Corner whip, reversal, and a slap to the back of Kane's head. That wasn't sensible. Sorry. Kane chases Orton around the ring, but Orton with a dropkick in the ring to send Kane back to the floor. Kane back in with a chokehold, and he sends Orton into the corner. Orton reverses positions and there's the ten punch count along. I'm surprised they can count to ten in Texas without taking off their shoes. Flying bodypress, but Kane comes back with the big boot to the face. Kane grabs a chair and reenters the ring, and Lita tries to keep him from using it. Nothing doing, but Orton with the low blow, and Earl Hebner has no choice but to call for the DQ at 2:37. That's the main event? Out comes Triple H, and he wants the cage down...and Bischoff runs out to say "Good idea. Let the match continue as a cage match." Well, not in those exact words, but you get the point.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
See, why not just wait for them to get into the ring and have Bischoff announce the cage match then. That would accomplish two things. One, you won't confuse the hell out of the live crowd. Two, you don't have any sort of lull that could potentially kill off the live crowd. Plus it's a whole hell of a lot easier for those of us who try to keep track of results. But I will say the opening segment actually foreshadowed this beautifully. Bischoff acknowledges the ladder match as a hell of an idea. Then the same night, he says "a cage match is a hell of an idea". It probably was completely unintentional, but if by some fluke it was planned, it's a nice touch.
Segment 11
Steel Cage Match: Sensible Randy Orton (World Heavyweight Champion) vs. Kane (w/Lita and Hungry Hungry Hippos)
And of course, we've already started during the break, as Kane rams Orton into the cage. Boot choke. A series of elbows. Right hands. Corner whip, clothesline. Cage scrape, with Hunter taunting the champion. Choke against the ropes. Kneelift. Mounted punches. Orton trying to fight back. Kane reverses a whip and gets a powerslam for 2. Boot to the head. Stomp. Another stomp. Neck vice. Orton breaks with an elbow, but he runs into a lariat. A late cover for 2. Kicks to the face. And rammed back into the cage. Orton with kicks and forearms and punches to try to regain the advantage. Off the ropes, but right into the side slam. Kane climbing up top, but Orton shakes the ropes until Kane straddles the top rope, then follows it up with a dropkick. Forearms to the back. Kane goes for a powerslam, but Orton sends him into the cage and hits the inverted neckbreaker. Orton tries to climb out of the cage, but Kane sends him crashing to the mat. Kane signals for the choke slam, but Orton pops Kane with a loud ass chair shot before hitting the RKO. Orton heading to the door...and he kicks the door into Hunter's face to prevent the interference before crawling out for the victory at 7:43 aired (10:38 total aired). **1/4 for the whole thing. But don't celebrate too soon, as out come Ric Flair and Batista to do their damage. Now you've got the 3-on-1 beatdown of the World Champion on the floor before they roll him back into the cage. But Orton grabs the chair and starts leveling members of Evolution. He fends them off...until Kane sits up. Orton throws the chair into Hunter's face and tries to climb out, but Evolution is on his heels. Orton is able to fend them off and escape the cage. JR: "Orton has been more cerebral than the Cerebral Assassin! Randy Orton has outplayed The Game!"
END OF SHOW
The match was kind of slow, but honestly, I didn't think it was too bad at all. Two cage matches in one night is probably overkill, especially with no actual buildup to the second one at all, but a terrific story told overall. Kane is the favorite because he's out there as much to hurt Orton as he is to win the match, and he continues to pound away at Orton until Orton finds a way to win. What a vicious looking chair shot, my God. My biggest complaint is with the continued success of Orton in these 3 or 4 man assaults. It's one thing when he's outsmarting Evolution and avoiding the beatdown. It's another entirely when they have him trapped inside a steel cage AND have Kane in the ring to help and they can't keep him down. He didn't come close to hitting Batista or Flair with the thrown chair. What the hell were they waiting for? And knowing WWE's tendency to have the PPV loser get the edge on the Raw before the PPV, we can probably pencil in the title change for Sunday right now.
Overall, a better effort than we've seen from this show the past two weeks. The wrestling was better, the angles made more sense for the most part, and they actually kept the diva search garbage to ten minutes or less for the first time ever. But where they failed was trying to drum up legitimate interest in Unforgiven, as it's clear they consider this show a one or two trick pony (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that they think the ladder match will add some late buys). They halfassed the build for the two tag team matches, and you'd think they'd actually put Victoria on the show someplace if they're going to have her go for the Women's Title on PPV, right?
Still, I know somebody always disagrees with me, so tell me about it.
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