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SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (2/12/2004)
Posted by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins on Feb 12, 2004, 21:25
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SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (2/12/2004)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins
E-Mail of the Week: You always got to give props to the ones giving feedback for the first time, and this week Tara chimed in with her thoughts.
I live in the Cleveland area and all of the promotional commercials for smackdown were devoted soley to Eddie Guerrero. Usually they rattle off several of the 'big names' in order to hype the show, however Eddie was the only superstar mentioned. So the ammount of pops he got didn't really surprise me.
I also wanted to comment on the torrie/sable angle coming up, but i can't bring myself to do it. I feel that the roles of the women on smackdown are a detriment to the show. I've heard that torrie wants a womens title for smackdown, and I pray that doesn't happen. I think it would make a mockery of the womens division that the likes of molly, victoria, jazz, and trish have worked so hard to improve.
You know what scares me, Tara? After watching Raw on Monday night, I've got the bad feeling we're going to forget about having a Women's Title Match at WrestleMania so we can get Stacy Keibler and Jackie Gayda against Sable and Torrie Wilson. I don't see any way that one could be watchable unless all four women end up losing their tops (and even then that only satisfies about 65-70% of the viewers).
Forums Quote of the Week: The topic of discussion this week: The contract signing from this past Monday's Raw.
Deebo: I loved it. It cements HHH as the heel, HBK as the tweener, Benoit as the babyface. HBK and HHH have been doing everything to put Benoit over since Royal Rumble, so quit bitching about one fucking promo. Big deal. Benoit didn't lose anything from this.
RavishingRickRudo: Does "everything" require putting themselves over Benoit first? Benoit didn't lose anything from this?
1) HHH punked him out in-ring and he didn't respond. He didn't sign the contract, he didn't say anything to him. This makes Benoit look BAD.
2) HBK said him vs. Hunter is "beyond" any contract (aka, beyond Benoit and what Benoit has done since that contract represents his chance at vindication) and Benoit said "yeah, you're right". This makes Benoit look BAD
3) With HBK signing the contract and superkicking Benoit and Benoit *not responding at all 'cept for bitching at Bischoff* it makes Benoit look BAD.
4) They keep bringing up this loophole and never actually say what it exactly is or was. They say that Benoit has worked hard over the past 18 years all over the world, but they never show any of it. Why should the fans believe ANY of this? They are basically being told (rather than shown) why they should cheer Benoit which does him no favours. When they say something and don't deliver on it, it makes Benoit look bad.
5) Benoit's Royal Rumble win is now officially meaningless since HBK can get there at a motion of a pen. This makes Benoit look bad.
6) Benoit did not come out first thing on the show. He has yet to take a dominant role (or even a significant role) in ANYTHING HE HAS DONE ON RAW. His match and contract signing was in the middle of the show - between the "big event" of Heyman and RAW, Vince on RAW, Goldberg spearing Heyman and Austin. His promo was placed right after a 10+ minute match where he - as opposed to HHH and HBK - could be seen as vunerable. This makes Benoit look bad.
7) You could say that making Benoit look weak makes his win even more sweet, but as he continues to look like a 3rd party, as he continues to play outsider in HHH/HBK, it does nothing but plant in our minds that Benoit is second-string. All it does is enforce what HHH is saying and that won't come clean at Mania - especially now that HBK had to get involved. Infact, it will only make it worse. THIS MAKES BENOIT LOOK BAD.
Quick Programming Note: As most of you know by now, The Dames will be MIA from TSM over the next 4-6 weeks as he makes the big move to Bristol, Connecticut. A number of you have asked exactly what that means for Raw recaps. Well, beginning this coming Monday, I will be taking over the duties for The Dames until he is able to make his full-time return. But don't worry, Dames fans. He'll take it back over as soon as he can return full-time. I don't want to cover that show any more than I absolutely have to.
Tonight: According to Time Warner Digital Cable, Brock Lesnar teams up with The Big Show to take on Eddie Guerrero and Kurt Angle. Who else will be there? Not Zach Gowen, Ernest Miller, or Chris Kanyon, that's for sure, although I want Kanyon back, damn it!
Segment 1
This past Monday, Vince McMahon and Paul Heyman told Goldberg that he'd better not run in at No Way Out, no sir.
Taped 2/10/2004 from the Tacoma Dome in Tacoma, Washington! Michael Cole and Tazz are at ringside! Tonight, that huge tag team main event! But first...
Non-Title Contest scheduled for one fall: Rey Misterio Jr. (WWE Cruiserweight Champion--w/Jorge Paez) vs. Tajiri Yoshihiro
You'd think it was WrestleMania with the meaningless celebrity second at ringside. Chain wrestling sequence to start. Flying rana by Rey. Bulldog headlock. Immediately Chavo Guerrero Sr. and Chavito Guerrero appear at the top of the ramp, and Tajiri takes advantage, getting a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. Camel clutch. An Eddy chant starts. Heh. Sunset flip, and Rey rolls through and dropkicks Tajiri for 2. Drop toehold. Legdrop for 2. Rey goes for a West Coast Pop, but Tajiri ducks and gets a kick. Rey is able to set Tajiri up...619! Seated senton for the pin in a criminally short 3:02. *1/4 Chavo Jr. attacks Rey from behind almost at the bell and teases pulling the mask, but Jorge Paez comes in to back him off. In comes Chavo Sr., and Paez does some clownish dancing and flopping before laying Chavo Sr. out with a left hand. Paez will be in Rey's corner this Sunday.
Tazz and Cole discuss how poorly Heyman was treated at Raw. Here's the clip of the spear.
King Brock I is in Paul E. Heyman's office, and Lesnar wants to make sure he has it right: Goldberg speared Heyman? Yes he did. Heyman has bruised ribs and has trouble sleeping and breathing. The message: "In his mind, Goldberg didn't spear Paul Heyman. Goldberg speared Brock Lesnar. He's trying to intimidate you." Well, Brock isn't intimidated by anybody. And after he beats Eddy Guerrero on Sunday, he'll look into Goldberg's eyes and prove it. Then he'll throw Goldberg into the ring and finish him off. And when he's done, people will be chanting "Who's Goldberg?"
COMMERCIAL BREAK
The idea behind this one was to build toward Rey vs. Chavo Jr. for this Sunday, so WWE logic dictates we focus more on the seconds than the actual competitors. Never mind that this match could potentially steal the show, we've got Jorge Paez! The match should be fantastic though. Unless it gets barely three minutes like this match did.
And speaking of focusing more on the people not directly involved in the pay-per-view match, we've got a segment where Goldberg is the focus of Sunday's Eddy Guerrero-Brock Lesnar title match. I understand we've got Goldberg-Lesnar at WrestleMania and we need to build to it, but I'm begging you. Please leave any altercation between the two until after the title match is over. If Eddy wins the title as most believe he will, he deserves to at least get a real victory, especially if the spotlight's going to be on Goldberg and Lesnar once it's over.
Segment 2
One fall: Scotty 2 Hotty (WWE Tag Team Champion--w/Rikishi) vs. Danny Basham (w/Doug Basham and Shaniqua)
Were those boos when Scotty and Rikishi's music kicked in? Scotty and Rikishi defeated The Bashams last week in Cleveland to win the titles, and the rematch is Sunday...and Shaniqua is officially in that match to make it 3-on-2. Scotty tries to get the crowd into it, but nobody cares. Side headlock by Basham. Reversed by Scotty. Vertical suplex. Dropkick for 2. Armbar. Armdrag takedown by Danny, but Scotty hangs on. Forearm by Danny to break the hold. Scotty with punches and chops. Doug distracts the referee, allowing Danny to get a thumb to the eye and send Scotty to the floor...and Shaniqua hits a vicious clothesline on Scotty. Scotty back in, Danny covers for 2, and Danny locks in a crevatte. Scotty punches out of it, but a spinning back suplex by Danny gets 2. Back to the crevatte. Scotty again breaks. Jawbreaker. Clothesline. Backdrop. Danny avoids the pre-Worm bulldog, then he gets a takedown for the cover. Doug gives some added leverage for the pin at 4:04. * Rikishi is after the Bashams. Shaniqua gets left alone in the ring, but the Bashams pull her from the ring before Rikishi can get in the Rump Shaker.
Still to come, an interview with Sable and Torrie Wilson. *yawn*
COMMERCIAL BREAK
A decent enough match for a four minute special, but for the life of me I can't figure out why they want to stick Shaniqua into the match. I guess they're going for the WrestleMania V "We're better off if the manager's a legal participant" angle, but they should have probably mentioned that somewhere when they announced the match for No Way Out. This pay-per-view is slowly turning into a train wreck.
Segment 3
Earlier tonight, Chavo Guerrero Jr. attacked Rey Misterio Jr. until Jorge Paez and Chavo Guerrero Sr. got involved.
Josh Mathews interviews Rey and Paez, who call the Guerreros cowards. But on Sunday, Paez has Rey's back. Chavo is so jealous that he wants to take everything away from Rey, and it's on. Paez apparently doesn't speak English, and I'd be surprised if he knows he's on a wrestling show right now.
Chavo Sr. is being treated in the back as Chavo Jr. vows they'll be ready. Chavito will beat Rey down, take his title, then take his mask. Then Chavo Sr. will take out Paez. Chavo Sr.: "What!?"
Also Sunday, John Cena vs. Kurt Angle vs. The Big Show in a top contenders match. Mathews is with My Olympic Hero, who is very confident he will win that matchup. He'll do whatever it takes to win (remember that on Sunday). They have a lot in common. "One thinks he's Eminem, and the other one eats M&Ms. Lots of them." And they're both going to lose to Angle at No Way Out.
But before that, we have that huge tag team main event.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
And some of you thought I was kidding when I said the seconds were getting the push in the cruiserweight title match on Sunday. These segments were basically a hype job for the pay-per-view on Sunday, but I have to think that Angle repeating "whatever it takes" is a clue as to how Sunday's triple threat match is going to end.
Segment 4
Rey Misterio Jr.'s "Crossing Borders" is the official theme song for No Way Out.
One fall: Hardcore Holly vs. The Man Beast Rhyno
A small "EC-Dub" chant breaks out. Chain wrestling sequence to start, ending with a Holly hiptoss. Slap by Holly, and a series of chops. Flying forearm. Clothesline. More chops. Corner whip. Another, but Rhyno comes back with an elbow. Rhyno drops Holly face-first into the turnbuckle from a power bomb position and covers for 2. Holly punches back but gets caught by a knee. Bodyscissors, and Holly's shoulders are down for 2. Holly rolls it over so Rhyno's shoulders are down for 2, and Rhyno releases the hold. Chops by Holly, but he runs into a spinebuster. Rhyno goes for the Gore, but Holly catches him coming in with the Best Dropkick in the Business. Holly slow to cover for 2. Rhyno sends Holly face-first into the second turnbuckle. A series of punches...and Rhyno shoves referee Jimmy Korderas for the DQ at 5:10. 3/4* But the fight isn't over yet, as they begin brawling on the floor until the rest of the referees come out and try in vain to separate them.
EMTs are running backstage, and Kurt Angle is down, much like Eddy Guerrero was <a href="http://thesmartmarks.com/artman/publish/article_1325.shtml"<two weeks ago.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Well, the disqualification is technically the correct call, but how many times have we seen guys do much worse to referees and not even get warned about it? I'd assume this is leading to a rematch on Sunday, and if it has some sort of hardcore stipulation it could be good. As long as there aren't any extended bodyscissors sequences.
The Vince Russo playbook would have Angle only pretending to be out cold as he's the REAL mastermind. And sadly, I think that's actually where we're going with this one. A nice show of continuity though.
Segment 5
About half the locker room is checking on Angle, including a concerned Eddy Guerrero.
Meanwhile, there's a mariachi band in the ring...and out comes Brock Lesnar (with a sombrero), as he's apparently the lead singer of the "El Cincos", which of course is Spanish for "The Fives". Well, at least the song's better than Outkast's "Hey Ya". Brock owes Eddy an explanation. It's time for a celebration, because Eddy won't have anything to celebrate on Sunday night. Hit the music! Anybody else expecting Tom Berenger to go "If you're going to pull this shit, at least you could have said you were from the Yankees"? Eddy charges the ring and sends the band (and the WWE Champion) running. Eddy keeps Brock at bay with a music stand. Brock wants Eddy to relax. "They swam a hell of a long ways to perform for you, Eddy." Eddy's always fighting the odds, and that continues tonight since Angle's hurt. The people love Eddy. "But listen here, addict!" Uh oh... This Sunday, Eddy's fighting Brock Lesnar, not the odds. It's not going to be enough for Brock to get a win. He wants to torture Eddy. "While you were out fighting your demons, I was winning NCAA championships." Brock hates guys like Eddy looking for sympathy and trying to take things away from hard workers such as himself. He hopes Eddy's addicted to losing, because this Sunday, "you're going to get your fix." It's Eddy's turn to speak. If we're going down the addiction road, let's tell it straight up. "The truth is, Brock, I am an addict." Three years ago in Minneapolis, he was high in the locker room. And all he remembers is they carried him from the arena and straight into rehab. But he did that to himself. That was just the beginning. He lost his job, his wife, his kids, and his spirit. "I disgraced my race, I disgraced my family, and I disgraced myself." Then came the point where it was do or die. And he did. He has earned his way back into the ring. He's earned the respect of his kids again. He's earned his life back. And that belt around Brock's waist? That's Eddy's way of telling his family he's sorry. It's Eddy's way of providing for his family. "That's my new addiction." He's addicted to the high he gets from the fans, the high he gets from telling his family he's doing it, and the satisfaction of telling his critics they can stick it up their ass. And the difference between Eddy and Brock? He's addicted, and he'll do whatever it takes to get that high and take the WWE Championship.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
We can argue whether using the Latino stereotypes and Eddy's past addictions to build up this match is ethical or not, but I've gotta admit, they have done one hell of a job building this match up despite the short amount of time they've had to work with. The best part about this segment is how they've built the title up to actually mean something. The title comes off as being the most important thing in the company, and that's the way it should be. They've done more in two weeks to make Brock Lesnar's title seem important than Raw has for Triple H's title in two years. Great segment.
Segment 6
That tag team match is scheduled for later tonight.
One fall: Shelton Benjamin (w/Charlie Haas) vs. Bradshaw (w/Faarooq)
And these four meet in tag team action this Sunday. Chain wrestling sequence to start. In a Bradshaw match. I'm shocked too. Bradshaw to the floor, and he hits Haas for being within reach. Back in, and Bradshaw with the Last Call to Benjamin. Haas to the apron. Benjamin with a fireman's carry, and Faarooq pulls Benjamin out of the ring. Bradshaw follows and chops away at Benjamin. Back in, and Bradshaw quickly covers for 2. Back suplex for 2. Corner whip, clothesline, but Benjamin blocks the Clothesline from Hell, and Bradshaw holds his arm in pain. Benjamin sends Bradshaw's shoulder into the ringpost and makes that the focus of his attack. Fujiwara armbar. Knees to the shoulder. Vicious looking wristlock. Armbar. Two knees to the shoulder, and back to the armbar. Bradshaw reaches the ropes for the break. Bradshaw throws a punch, but that hurts the arm. Big boot. Clothesline, and that hurts the arm. Benjamin runs into a powerslam for 2. Benjamin goes back to the shoulder. Forearm to the back by Bradshaw, but Benjamin knocks him damn near out with the superkick. Late cover for 2. Bradshaw with an elbow. Benjamin charges, Bradshaw side steps, and there's the Clothesline from Hell. Bradshaw favors the arm, but the cover's still enough for the win at 5:57. Surprisingly good. Amazing what a little selling can do. *3/4
Josh Mathews tells us that Kurt Angle is semi-conscious, and there are three suspects: John Cena, The Big Show, and Brock Lesnar. Great detective work, Sherlock!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
I have to admit I was digging the psychology, as Benjamin worked on the RIGHT arm...the arm that Bradshaw uses for the Clothesline from Hell. And Bradshaw did a good job of selling it most of the way, even favoring it after hitting the lariat. They need to keep that in mind for the match on Sunday though.
Segment 7
WrestleMania Recall: Andre the Giant chokes Bob Uecker (WrestleMania IV).
Jamie By God Noble has made his way to the ring. He knows that Nidia's scared about their match at No Way Out, but she brought it upon herself. Typical woman -- never satisfied. (His words, not mine, so don't send hate mail.) Noble should have dumped her when she got blinded, because he can have any woman he wants. But being the gentleman he is, he'll let Nidia out of the match. All she has to do is pack her bags and go. But she has to leave the stuff he bought with the inheritance money behind. Where's Ben Folds when you need him? Out comes Nidia in a lawn service truck...let me guess where this is going. Apparently, Noble has to wrestle this match on Sunday blindfolded. Because that blindfold match at WrestleMania VII was a classic. Anyway, the truck is a wood chipper. Here's the demonstration. And Nidia has one more demonstration. A certain mink coat. And the mink coat follows Pepe and Moppy into wrestling prop Heaven. Where's PETA when you need them?
Still to come is a tag team match, but will Kurt Angle be in action? But next, an interview with Sable and Torrie Wilson.
Jamie Noble tries to pick up the scraps from the jacket.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
So let me get this straight. Noble's not the one who blinded Nidia. He's the one who bought her all this fancy stuff with his inheritance money. The only reason he used Nidia to his advantage was that she absolutely begged to help out. But he's bad for using her to get a win or two? And if that's the case, then why is Heyman allowing supposed face Nidia to get the stipulation she wants when he's been so obviously a heel GM since he took the job? And if we HAD to have two women wrestle on this pay-per-view, why not just book Nidia vs. Shaniqua?
Segment 8
Welcome to the Tacoma Dome in Tacoma, Washington, and unless you've been to Borders, you've been waiting for that new Playboy. In honor of it, Rue DeBona interviews No Longer Able Sable and Torrie Wilson. They haven't always gotten along, but now that they spent all that time together for the shoot, they realized they had a lot in common. Opposites attract. Torrie: "She brings out this fiery little side of me..." Sable thinks they got the shoot since they'd already done Playboy. Which reminds her, all that jealousy on Raw just proves Playboy made the right choice. Except Stacy is under 40 and all natural. Rue asks if there's a sexual attraction between them, and Torrie's all "I'm perfectly straight, but..."
Cole wants the issue early, and my local Borders already had it yesterday, so go there. And they discuss Kurt Angle, who might not wrestle tonight, but he will wrestle Sunday at No Way Out. It's Angle vs. Big Show vs. John Cena for a title shot at WrestleMania! Noble vs. Nidia with Noble blindfolded! Scotty and Rikishi defend against both Bashams AND Shaniqua! Rey defends against Chavo Jr.! Brock defends against Eddy! That is probably the thinnest PPV lineup I've seen since WCW tried to pass off Norman Smiley vs. Prince Iaukea as Starrcade material.
Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall: King Brock I (WWE Champion) and The Too Damn Big Show (WWE United States Champion) vs. ...
COMMERCIAL BREAK
That interview was the very definition of "fluff". I'll give them credit for at least explaining why we might be seeing Sable and Torrie being friendly with each other in the near future, but when you throw Stacy and Jackie into the mix (and I think they're planning on it), then you need to remember that Jackie Gayda's the only fully-trained wrestler of the four, and she makes Gail Kim look like Lou Thesz.
Segment 9
Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall: King Brock I (WWE Champion) and The Too Damn Big Show (WWE United States Champion) vs. Eddy Guerrero and...
Angle's music plays, but he's a no-show...for now. But Eddy's apparently got a surprise, as John Cena makes his way to the ring. Cena and Show start. Show clubs away at Cena early on, and Cena fights back. Cena ducks a boot and shoves Show out of the ring with a shoulderblock. Back into the ring, and Brock tags in. Eddy wants in, and Cena tags out. They exchange blows in mid-ring, and Eddy counters a press slam into a sunset flip for 2. Eddy targets Brock's ribs, which were injured prior to Survivor Series 2002, but Brock sends Eddy crashing to the match with a vicious spinebuster. Brock with a series of shoulderblocks in the corner. Tag to Show, who chops away. Show goes for a power bomb, Eddy tries to counter with a sunset flip, Show tries to sit down on him, and Eddy avoids it. Tag to Cena, who quickly gets a headbutt from Show. Legdrop. Another legdrop. Eddy pulls the top rope down to send Show tumbling to the floor, and then Brock comes charging and gets dumped out as well.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
A standard tag team opening so far, but you have to believe that Kurt Angle's getting involved in this one somehow before it's over.
Segment 10
Show has Cena locked in an abdominal stretch. During the break, Eddy took Brock down with a pescadoe. Back live, and Show tags Brock after taking a thumb to the eye. Delayed fisherman suplex by Brock for 2. Elbow to the back of the head, and Brock locks in a gutwrench waistlock. I mean, he has Cena's ribs locked up like some guys will lock in a headlock. Cena eventually punches out but runs into a knee to the midsection, and Brock covers for 2 before locking in another submission hold on the ribs. Hard slam, and Show tags in. Show sits down on Cena's back. Forearm to the back. Cena tries to fight back, but he runs into a big boot. One-handed cover for 2. Cena fights back again, Show catches him, but Cena slips behind and dropkicks Show in the knee. A flying clothesline by Cena, and both men are down. Throwback. But instead of tagging, he charges Show and runs into a side slam. Down goes Show's strao, and he signals for the Choke Slam. Cena blocks and gets in a DDT. Tag to Brock, and Brock knocks Eddy off the apron to prevent the hot tag. Into the corner, Brock charges...and misses. DDT by Cena, and the hot tag to Eddy! Eddy knocks Brock down with a dropkick to the knee. Clothesline. Kick to the knee, followed by the rolling vertical suplexes. Eddy knocks Show off the apron, but it gives Brock just enough time to regain his composure. Tilt-a-whirl headscissors by Eddy. Up top...missile dropkick, and Show makes the save at 2. Cena and Show take their battle to the floor while the legal men stay inside. Out runs Kurt Angle, and he hits Show with a chair...and then hits Cena with it. Angle to the apron, and he distracts Brock. Eddy grabs Cena's chain, low blows Brock, and covers the champion for the pin at 17:27. ***
END OF SHOW
My biggest gripe with the match is they did all that work to Cena's ribs when everybody knows he's favoring a knee injury. My guess is they wanted to protect that knee, but little things like that mean a lot. What I did like was Angle not tipping his hand as to his allegiances one way or the other, as he attacked both Cena and Show and looked to be going after Brock before Eddy grabbed the chain, thus going after all three "suspects" in his attack.
Overall, this was the typical pre-PPV show, where the wrestling was on the thin side (outside of the main event) in favor of storyline development...but they simply haven't had a chance to truly build up to anything outside of the main event. You have to make sure you make the entire pay-per-view seem interesting coming in, and this show didn't do that. But if you're one of those who believes the only match that means anything is the main event, then this show and Sunday's PPV should be right up your alley.
Send me somefeedback or check out the archives.
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